Ether (old)

Areeba's translation

2011-12-14T15:46:00.002+05:30

ISHQ

Neither am Ilooking for the caravan nor a fellow traveller

Na ToCaarvaan Ki Talaash Hai, Na To Humsafar Ki Talaash Hai

My passion needsa path only

MereShauq-E-Khaana Kharaab Ko, Teri Rehguzar Ki Talaash Hai

The only curefor my insanity is death

MereNaamuraad Junoon Ka Hai Ilaaj Koi To Maut Hai

I Need a doctoronly who would furnish poison in the name of prescription

Jo Dava KeNaam Pe Zehar De Usi Chaaraagar Ki Talaash Hai

Your love is my yearning,your love is my vanity

Tera Ishq HaiMeri Aarzoo, Tera Ishq Hai Meri Aabroo

how can I leave your love, it’s the fruit ofmy whole life pursuit

Tera IshqMaein Kaise Chhod Doon, Meri Umra Bhar Ki Talaash Hai

My heart, bodyand soul all is your love

Dil Ishq JismIshq Hai Aur Jaan Ishq Hai

Even my faithtoo is your love if u ask abt it

Imaan Ki JoPoochho To Imaan Ishq Hai

how can I leaveyour love, it’s the fruit of my whole life pursuit

Tera IshqMaein Kaise Chhod Doon, Meri Umra Bhar Ki Talaash Hai

only he canunderstand my pain who is dying slowly himself

Jaansoz KiHaalat Ko Jaansoz Hi Samjhega

that is why Ionly address the candle, not the mehfil(stage)

Maein ShamaaSe Kehta Hoon Mehfil Se Nahin Kehta Kyonki

coz this is ishqishq ishq

Ye Ishq IshqHai Ishq Ishq, Ye Ishq Ishq Hai Ishq Ishq

(Ishq is a termused for never dying luv usually attributed to luv of God)

The destinydictates the lovers burn to death in love before its even dawn

Sahar TakSabka Hai Anjaam Jal Kar Khaak Ho Jaana,

Either it be thecandle or the firefly around the candle

Bhari MehfilMein Koi Shammaa Ya Parvaana Ho Jaye Kyonki

This is ishqishq ishq ishq

Ye Ishq IshqHai Ishq Ishq, Ye Ishq Ishq Hai Ishq Ishq

My madness inlove wasn’t cured by the sight of my beloved

Vehshat-E-DilRasm-O-Deedaar Se Roki Na Gayi

Nor did itfollow any constraint any restriction(weapon)

Kisi Khanjar,Kisi Talvaar Se Roki Na Gayi

Ishq is thevoice of majnu that when called the name, no walls could stop laila

Ishq Majnu KiVo Aavaz Hai Jiske Aage
Koi Laila Kisi Deewaar Se Roki Na Gayi, Kyonki

This is ishqishq ishq

Ye Ishq IshqHai Ishq Ishq, Ye Ishq Ishq Hai Ishq Ishq

I can give mylife to my love for his smile

Vo HanskeAgar Maangen To Hum Jaan Bhi Deden, Haan....

Life, faith all

Ye Jaan ToKya Cheez Hai Imaan Bhi Deden Kyonki

This is ishqishq ishq

Ye Ishq IshqHai Ishq Ishq, Ye Ishq Ishq Hai Ishq Ishq

My love saysprotruding blatantly that I should live for him

Naaz-O-AndaazSe Kehte Hain Ki Jeena Hoga,

But at the sametime offers me poison and say I have to drink it for him

Zehar BhiDete Hain To Kehte Hain Ki Peena Hoga

When I try tosurvive, says why live

Jab MaeinPeeta Hoon To Kehten Hai Ki Marta Bhi Nahin,

When I try todie, doesn’t even let me go

Jab MaeinMarta Hoon To Kehte Hain Ki Jeena Hoga

This is ishqishq ishq

Ye Ishq IshqHai Ishq Ishq, Ye Ishq Ishq Hai Ishq Ishq

All the rules andnorms in Ishq are tough

Mazhab-E-IshqKi Har Rasm Kadi Hoti Hai,

A wall at eachand every step

Har Kadam ParKoi Deewaar Khadi Hoti Hai

Ishq is free ofreligious tags, neither hindu nor muslim

Ishq AazadHai, Hindu Na Musalmaan Hai Ishq,

Ishq is areligion a faith in itself

Aap Hi DharmHai Aur Aap Hi Imaan Hai Ishq

It doesn’t takesheikh or Brahmin in account

Jis Se AagaahNahi Shekh-O-Barahammann Dono,

It’s a fact thatequates all

Us HaqeeqatKa Garajtaa Hua Ailaan Hai Ishq

Ishq doesn’t askwhich religion the lovers are from or their caste

Ishq NaPuchhe Deen Dharm Nu, Ishq Na Puchhe Jaataan

Ishq is whatdrowned many barats in blood

Ishq DeHaathon Garam Lahu Vich, Doobiyaan Lakh Baraataan Ke

This is ishqishq ishq

Ye Ishq IshqHai Ishq Ishq, Ye Ishq Ishq Hai Ishq Ishq

love is too harda path to follow do not consider it easy

Raah Ulfat KiKathin Hai Ise Aasaan Na Samajh

Its ishq ishqishq

Ye Ishq IshqHai Ishq Ishq, Ye Ishq Ishq Hai Ishq Ishq

The way to thewell is very difficult,

Bahut KathinHai Dagar Panghat Ki

shall I fill mypot from jamuna?

Ab Kya BharLaun Maein Jamuna Se Matki

When I went tofill my pot from jamuna my dear friend

Maein JoChali Jal Jamuna Bharan Ko,

Dekho SakhiJi Maein Jo Chali Jal Jamuna Bharan Ko

Nandkishor moherokay jhaandon ko (didn’t get dis line)

NandkishorMohe Roke Jhaadon To

Shall I go n getwater from the jamuna now?

Kya Bhar LaunMaein Jamuna Se Matki

Keeping myselfreserve in ghoonghat

Ab Laaj RaakhoMore Ghoonghat Pat Ki

(Whenever Krishnablew the flute, radha came all ornate

Jab Jab Krishn Ki Bansi Baaji,

Nikali Raadha Saj Ke

Forgetting manners of all living and dead,

Jaan Ajaan Ka Maan Bhula Ke,

breaking world’s reserves

Lok Laaj Ko Taj Ke

Sita sat in the marriage palanquin

Janak Dulaari Ban Ban Doli,

Wearing garland of love

Pahan Ke Prem Ki Maala

Meera being thirsty for the water of sight,drank from poison pot

Darshan Jal Ki Pyaasi Meera Pi Gai Vishh Ka Pyaala

After that she prayed

Aur Phir Araj Kari Ke

Protect her protect her protect her

Laaj Raakho Raakho Raakho,

Protect her protect her protect her

Laaj Raakho Dekho Dekho,

Ye Ishq Ishq Hai Ishq Ishq,

Ye Ishq Ishq Hai Ishq Ishq) added

Ishq is Godscommandment

Allah RasoolKa Farmaan Ishq Hai

Ishq is quran(muslim s holy book) itself and ishq is the one who keeps quran in heart

Yaane HafeezIshq Hai, Quraan Ishq Hai

Ishq is thefaith of Buddha and Christ

Gautam KaaAur Maseeh Ka Armaan Ishq Hai

The wholeuniverse is body and ishq is soul

Ye KaaynaatJism Hai Aur Jaan Ishq Hai

Ishq is sermad nmansoor who died for love of God

Ishq Sarmad,Ishq Hi Mansoor Hai

Ishq is Moses(who got in touch wid God at the mountain n brought bk commandments)

And ishq is thegreatest jewel of all

Ishq Moosa,Ishq Koh-E-Noor Hai

Its only ishqdat evolves simple mud to a sculpture n a simple sculpture to a devta

Khaaq Ko But,Aur But Ko Devta Karta Hai Ishq

At the extreme,it turns a man to God, that’s Ishq

Intaha Ye HaiKe Bande Ko Khuda Karta Hai Ishq

Yes your loveonly your love

Haan IshqIshq Tera Ishq Ishq

This is ishqthis is ishq this is ishq

Tera IshqIshq, Ishq Ishq

14-12-11

Clutter

2011-01-10T23:45:00.002+05:30

Feeling drunk in a feeling of vainness, in a sense of having no choice or rather having only a illusion of choice. Floating over the froth of comfortable ignorance, basking in a convenient contempt of every power animate or otherwise; I blame you for everything which went wrong and I am taking whole credit for all the goodness around me. I am telling you all this because I want 'you' to - every one of you to object.

Aalu

2010-11-25T07:47:00.000+05:30

Seems like there is no more aalu in samosa

http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/article909050.ece?homepage=true

Viswas

Kanpur

25-11-10

2010-10-17T11:16:00.002+05:30

ഓം
ഹരി ശ്രീ ഗണപതയേ നമ: അവിഘ്നമസ്തു വിനായക

സരസ്വതി നമസ്തുഭ്യം
വരദേ കാമരൂപിണി
വിദ്യാരംഭം കരിഷ്യാമി
സിദ്ധിര്‍ ഭവതുമേ സദാ

No More Dreams

2010-08-12T23:32:00.002+05:30

There should not be any more dreams.

Cause its time dreams freeze into

a mass of marble and stones.

What you need to do now is

to carve out off the frozen mass,

them some meaningful shapes.

Carry them, dreams no intrinsic worth.

They need to be shaped

to make things of use.

Every one have dreams,

those fluid shapeless thoughts which we call as.

They can easily be sold

as table salt for some party

or as soda in a glass of vodka.

But, what is wanted is effort

turning them to some useful thing.

If thy fail 'would rather let burn with you,

Know it was worth no more than theirs,

unless you gave it a shape better than what they did.

Viswas

Kanpur

12-08-10

PS : The optimism is still alive in the shape of hope. But, realities and realizations of my (in)abilities have made me change my way, outlook and myself to an extent. I cannot make any claims today, because I have seen many of my beliefs and hard formed self assurances crumble. Still, hope is there. I do need support from everyone. But I cannot take the blame of failures. So let me do what I can and take the help I can afford to pay for. Don't try to offer me help, because I cannot carry the burden of expectations, nor can I play according to your rules.

Also, the most piteous feeling is pity. If you cannot respect some one, better keep away. I fail and I accept it. But do not show pity. Also, do not flood me with fake assurances. I really hate them. Give me challenges, directions and constructive criticisms. Show me what I can do when I can't see it myself. Lash my lazy bum with your sharp tongue. Either you will get me on feet or you will see my work shutting your mouth. Don't ever comment on silly progress-like steps, I don't want to stop and contemplate over what you said. Don't irritate me with useless sarcasm, my heart burns in the fire of contempt they ignite. My silence is nothing but acceptance of my imperfections. Do not mistake it to be a 'patient man's tolerance' or something. I will travel as much as I can and at the pace I can afford to. Let's not talk about it for some time. Instead let us talk about 'how'-do-we-do our work. Thank you.

Extra-ordinary

2010-08-09T13:44:00.003+05:30

Everything is so much ordinary that life has become extra-ordinary.

Viswas
08-08-10

Happy days...

2010-08-07T20:20:00.002+05:30

The happy days in my life is back. In between little problems also I am able to keep my old enthusiasm and silliness, without getting serious on anything. Happiness perhaps is a wrong word. This state of my life which I always wanted to be in is like a "plateau" where there are no ups or downs and I just cruise effortlessly ... No ecstasy of intense love, no addictive sorrow, no heated fights, no credulous forgiving, no idealistic philosophies,no deep digging into scriptures, nothing.... I am living my life like a raw human .

It feels so simple and elegant when I don't have many burdens to carry or looping thoughts in my mind. I have written all those rank deficient equations of life in one big notebook and have thrown that in to the sea of time, where the ink would dissolve into meaningless shapes, eventually getting lost in to the vastness. Right now I am standing far from every shore and reference points. Here I have only the sky over my head and the swaying sea under my feet. (Oh I am walking over the water!!). The wind which passes through me and everything else is telling me only fantasies and fables of good times.

I know myself a little better today. I know more of the underlying rules which are making me do the things I am doing everyday. I know better, why I look for "best cups" instead of "simply savoring the coffee". Science, sex, love, arts and serenity were things which I kept on seeking for and never got. I think I must keep the unnecessary searches away as much as possible to continue in this state I am in and enjoy the coffee of life. The questions on the credibility of arguments on life and worth of the things we value are highly misleading with so many different answers. They need hell lot of experiments to find out what is the right combination of a right life. (and still we may end up with the answer that none of the things which you considered were important).

I have started loving this state of mine. This is definitely better than the obsessive depression and compulsive neurosis ( something of the sort... ). Elusiveness and evasion of problems will not solve anything they say. But I'd say there are no problems unless you want to solve something. It is for the quest of our mind to solve something that we find problems, or rather imagine that we have problems. Most people like me find it difficult to live without problems . But truth is that most of our enemies and difficulties are creations of our own imagination. Solving a problem gives a feel of high like on some drug, and invariably is followed by severe depression. But I have started liking this placidity and evenness, at least till I develop the same old boredom.

This time to cure boredom, I would like to have mild happinesses instead of emotional tornadoes in the shape of love or like. Even if I love I have to restrain it to the required level. Wait... am I again going in the same old loops now?? ok. Its time to cut the chain of thoughts...

I have more movies in my laptop today than I can finish in a month of continuous watching. I have enough scientific questions before me to keep me occupied for rest of my life. I have enough thesis and TA related work to keep me outdoors for my whole stay here. I have amble pretty young faces around me to run my imagination going and to keep my aesthetic taste up. I have good food, descent stipend, peaceful living place, good friends, caring family though a little far and even potential lovers to keep me in my search for the one :P. Future is looking good. Some changes are inevitable, I just need to adapt and accept when ever a disturbance comes. I am taking my steps in right direction, to my best belief. Just that I must not try to skip stairs in life. I must not try to overdo. Everything is going to be bright and happy most of my remaining life. I don't want to fix any one's life now. Because everyone's life is good. Some people think so, some other's don't. That is the only difference. I just have to keep these in my mind in order to stay here in this state of life for ever.

I guess I have found path towards tangible objectives in my life... Since all that is good ends good I gotta be in the right direction towards the final destination too, or else I will find on the way...
:)

Viswas
07-08-10

Evening Walk

2010-08-07T19:16:00.001+05:30

Discussion topics for an evening walk

1. Why does sky appear as a dome?
2. Why does not clouds deform much in mild wind? (that was ok.. )
3. Does very low frequency reverberations from new sac speakers cause any audible effect (it definitely cause my window panes to shake and give noise in night.)
4. Are you going for Freshers night? ("youthfulness is an attitude")
5. why breeze cause ripples in grass instead of simply bending them? (that was very simple, but science would spoil the beauty if you picture grass as a spring)
6. Why there is a 15 min gap between 6-7 and 7:15 onwards swimming slots?
7. How can you predict a person based on his/her hair thickness, size of rear regions (oh, we have an expert here who can predict face on seeing brake lights), nose height et. cetra...
8. Does swimming pool water chlorine cause bleaching?
9. When would we be able to see big cargo space ships in the place of clouds in the sky?

07-08-10

Wise Words

2010-07-03T20:11:00.002+05:30

"In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don't try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present."-- Tao Le Ching

"There are two ways of spreading light To be the candle or The mirror that reflects it !!" Edith Wharton
.... I have been reflecting and reflecting-over ....

Optimisation

2010-05-09T14:58:00.003+05:30

I can waste any amount of time doing nothing.But when i start doing something or talking to some one I start insisting that what ever I do and the number of words i use must be optimum and utililse minimum amount of time...why is it so?

Viswas

Kanpur
09-05-10

Break up

2010-05-02T10:58:00.000+05:30

I love you
=> I don't want to lose you
=> I don't want to take chances
=> I give up before we start fighting
=> I look weak before you
=> You always win
=> You don't feel any challenge
=> You start thinking I am dumb
=> You don't find me interesting
=> I feel still more scared of losing you
=> I feel weaker
=> You think I am still more dumb
=> You love me still lesser
=> (repeat last 4 steps till you hate me)
=> I lose you.

Viswas

Kanpur
02-05-10

Internet

2010-04-26T23:39:00.001+05:30

Internet is a blood sucker in itself and above that it also carries other germs. It is like a flea with plague bacteria in it.

Viswas

Kanpur

26-04-10

I know you can't.

2010-04-03T15:44:00.000+05:30

I am a social disaster. I do not know how to behave to people. Can you live with it?
I am sentimental and yearn for love like anything. It makes me look clingy and boring. Can you live with it?
I do not know how to fight with grace for things I must. Either I am too soft or I am cut off from people. Can you live with it?
I do not know the art of verbal self defense. Can you live with it?
I think too much and hence take too much time before acting on situations. Can you live with it?
I am an introvert. Can you live with it?
I do not know how to make interesting conversations. Can you live with it?
I do not even know how to handle my money or time. Can you live with it?
I wear worn cloths and walk like a fool. Can you live with it?
I look dull, sad and lost. Can you live with it?
I will love you and depend on you too much. Can you live with it?

I know you can't. Nobody can.

Viswas

Kanpur
03-04-10

2010-03-28T13:43:00.000+05:30

Work while you work play while you play. But, always have an eye on the bearing of your compass and the ports you need to touch.

Viswas

28-03-10
Kanpur

Point of Dissolution

2010-02-06T18:34:00.012+05:30

I have reached where search, reasoning and explanations end. From here are no paths neither in the three dimensions of space nor in the unidirectional flow of time. I have reached this point in space following the only path time allowed me to go. Choices were there on the way to take other routes in space. But all were leading to this point only. This is the exit from the frontiers of the known finite to the unknown infinite... Standing poised on the tip of the world where even the call for help don't spread out, reverberating within the mouth, blocking breath and ringing in the vocal tracts; Yes, I have reached the end of the dream.

Viswas

Kanpur

06-02-10

it is reminding me of that childhood dream which I used to see over and over again. In an unknown city I traveled past a giant clock kept in a junction. The road lead me to an old red Roman style brick building. There I saw my parents and sisters. Suddenly time started moving too fast and everything just started shaking violently, not out of fast movement,everything stayed at their pace but time started speeding up...

Another Freaky Day

2010-02-06T07:58:00.002+05:30

I was lying in the couch unable to move my limbs. FEM exam in the forenoon was really hopeless. This was not the first time I did bad in an examination. But, this time when the semester started I had decided to not to have another bad grade. Anything less than A would be worthless for me. I rubbed my numb face and ears to put some life into it, my finger tips were damp with sweat. The eye lids closed and I slipped off into a half sleep. Every half an hour I got up looked at the watch. Next exam is just a couple of hours away. I had no clue of the type of questions to expect. But, from exam point of view there was nothing much to study. There were a couple of simple derivations to do. There were some slides I could just skim through and score perhaps fine. But I did not want to get a 'fine' grade. That was not enough for me. That was not why I took two extra courses this sem while my course credit requirements were already met.

Yes, I have become one of those 'dudes' who would faint on an exam day. One who talk about exam pressure and stuff. I did not faint and fall exactly. But the palpitation and agony I had was embarrassing enough. There is no particular reason to point out. Its a mix of lot of small silly things and put with it my majestically lethargic arse qualified me to be 'Mr. Dude'. Procrastination was essentially the mistake. It seems have come out of want for perfection. It is about the study habits. I can skim through a book and say i finished it. But, I won't do that. (" I can but I won't is another way of saying I can't" !!- Richard Feynmann) I need time to assimilate, analyse and understand; probably this is one reason I am so very slow in studies; or may be I am just a moron, who faked all the way. May be... a consequence of increasing intake to IITs, whatever....

When I see the 'kids' and the real 'dudes' who never grow up, running around collecting materials whispering in their 'close mates' (who essentially were those who had some thing to trade for) ears "this is confidential and don't give it to any one else", what I feel is hatred to grades, scoring and eventually to the studies itself. But there might be ways for a PhD student, who don't bother to hang out much with his M.Tech classmates. Finding out the tricky ways to get score, like getting assignments, previous question papers or even genuine things like discussing the difficult topics must be possible...

When I came to this place I was not the happiest man in the world. I had my problems trivial, I myself judge at times though. It has gradually taught me to give up. Today when ever I see a somewhat big task first voice that come from my mind is either "I cant do it, I don't have the ability for it", "I don't deserve it" or some such thing. For quite some time, I have been looking for reasons for myself to give up. Today I have ample and that has become something like pattern of my thinking. The laziness is not outcome of negligence. But the negligence and lack of energy are consequences of my self training to give up and recede. It was needed in the name of good. But now its time for me to get out of it. Shaking off a habit which one inculcated by conscious effort searching and building whole philosophy of 'renunciation' of perverted form is not that easy. I have placed in my mind, things which bear no sense like belief in sun signs, ethnic generalizations, totally gross judgments about myself, partly in the search of the truth in them and partly because I wanted to convince myself to giving up. When things start going wrong with you repeatedly, you start looking for patterns, that's what I also did, and with what ever I found I have built the ability to judge people and situations to a great extent. But, the creator always keep his ace hid, and I am well aware of it. In the worst situations you expect he turn it to the table and throw all your judgments up in the air. Today I understand well, if at all what I generalized are true, they form just small share of the whole thing. There is no way one can judge a person or situation to any level of certainity with help of bio-data or even personal interactions. It is all a function of time, position, environment and a million such things. Human judgement was alway insufficient to predict the game plan of creator. "God" may not be "playing dice" after all. But, I feel that one also must not try to be god to know all his moves.

(chain of thoughts ... not complete or in any logical order...)

Viswas

Kanpur
06-02-10

2010-02-05T15:17:00.000+05:30

Title:

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Who is the culprit?

2010-01-28T18:52:00.001+05:30

I am OK with the Big Bang theory, universe should not be an exception. But who is the culprit?

Viswas

Kanpur
28-01-10

A few questions...

2010-01-26T11:09:00.001+05:30

Republic day greetings...

Why do we have a constitution made?
Why do we have a Criminal procedures code?
Why did we have to make a new set of rules when we had so many already made for each religion, each society, each family and each individual either written or unwritten?
Have we closing on the objectives or are we moving away?
If the rules had to be made changes in them also must be required, are they happening?
Are the rules set in line with the objectives of each individual's ultimate objectives or is it just for the nation as a whole?
Are we giving the rulers we have chosen and the staff the system appointed more powers than they require to perform their duty, officially or unofficially?
Are we always the slave of 80/20 rule in the matter of democracy?

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Viswas

Kanpur
26-01-10

Solution!

2010-01-25T08:47:00.002+05:30

If one frame a set of simultaneous equations for finding traits of perfect girl/boyfriend you will end up with a rank deficient matrix; for solving which you will have to assume m-n of them and calculate the rest. Since there are infinite ways of choosing those m-n values, there will be infinite number of solution for such an equation.

Possible applications of the theorem :
1. You may have infinite number of girl/boyfriends.
2. You don't have to regret is someone dumped you. Choose another solution.
3. Tell him/her this theorem if you are planning to dump someone.
4. May use this for development of other theorems.

A link to be checked...

2010-01-16T00:00:00.002+05:30

http://www.thedoorpost.com/hope/film/?film=4dd298f102c77b625cf37a9e7744ac68

Tnx Sangi

Good Bye...

2010-01-03T18:57:00.003+05:30

"The morning is just a few moments away. Go to sleep... and when you wake up, remember me as a fellow who would always be there for you and never let you down."

- Source Unknown

बस मिट जाए न सह पावू ये मोहबत

2009-12-28T12:40:00.004+05:30

सुरों के नाच लयों की तूफ़ान | ख़ुशी की आसू दर्द की आग | सच की आंधी छूट की फ़रियाद | मन की जलन तन की घुटन | खो न सके हम पा न सके | रुक न सके हम जा न सके . | बस मिट जाए न सह पावू ये मोहबत ||

विस्वास

कानपूर

२५-१२-०९

Perfect Match!! ?

2009-12-03T22:03:00.006+05:30

Who could be your perfect match? Well I guess...

1. The person who you think is not worthy of you for 50% of the time and rest of the time you feel that is too good for you.

2. Half the things about the him/her are exactly as in your dreams and rest half just opposite.

3. His/her family looks like a total burden or a group of jackals waiting for your arrival, but you still are ready to go there and confront them. (finally this attitude alone is going to save you :) , and eventually make you realize that they were just like your family, (?!) )

4. Whom you assume is not going to forgive your mistakes and never going to love you for most of the time and still you believe for no reason that he/she will never leave you. (If you are still assuming that first half is true and not communicating... perhaps you are doing the biggest mistake... )

5. The person whose thoughts were the one with you when you grew up in life from adolescence to youth... (might look difficult to understand... I am talking about first love... or that one in which your thoughts lost its innocence (well... assuming that nothing else happened!! cant say in today's situation... ) for the first time... in that case your mind won't become a graveyard of memories... but it is ideal case... )

6. The one whose presence made you afraid of being less than perfect in the beginning, but at a later point you could easily add lubrication of friendship and make things lighter.

7. Who you believe is a total jerk and junk in life while was the only one making you live all these days since you met. Whose good you know but never cared about, because you know it will always be there; but are more concerned about the bad because you want to improve upon them!

Well I will add more as I find out... :) Hope you know who that one is already...

Viswas

Kanpur

03-12-2009

Going Home...

2009-11-26T23:17:00.004+05:30

Forgetting everything... burying the past behind... without looking at the path ahead... for some time... away from all worries... all confusions... all fears... all those things which were real but so unreal... all those thoughts which were great but so very trivial... away... from all...

back to home...

Viswas

Kanpur

26-11-09

I am naked today

2009-11-21T18:12:00.003+05:30

"Where women are concerned, the rule is never to go out with anyone better dressed than you."
-- John Malkovich

and I am naked today...

PhD Life I : Specialisation (For the Individual's Evolution!!)

2009-11-18T01:54:00.022+05:30

I always was a person who liked diversity; in life, in career, in knowledge, in thinking. When I say 'was' i would have to say, am, still; but, I am trying to change. I have to revert the effect of my deliberate efforts to make myself a wannabe of everything, cultivating interest in all people and subjects I came across. I did not just listen to people as on what they were doing. Instead I literally took up their projects or fields for a while as a freelancer and got myself a hands on it. That was how I got involved with varied subjects and fields. My attachment to all those fields are not so shallow hence.

Today I am paying for all that. I would not say that I was wrong. This is perhaps the way things are supposed to be. According to me, since the time when we were children, typically during the time we spent in high schools we started diversifying our skills by exploring various ideas coming across us. Sometimes by actually tasting them, sometimes by reading or listening about them. We perhaps started feeling need for dreams at that point. Many times we were be guided by the instincts we picked up during our early childhood, words of our parents, friends etc and we got involved because them. Many times we changed fields telling "this is too easy a job for me. I have done enough of it so I need to try a different thing". We went on searching for a perfect dream for ourselves. This "interest" evolved and as we went ahead we started spending more time with fewer things and eventually we reached a point where we cannot handle more than a very few things at the same time to the required depth. This need of depth arose because we hit the point where we need to make a dream (or dreams if one can manage) real. Today I am at such a point. Here especially because of my choosing a PhD, I am expected to give much more time to one particular topic than I used to, so that at least one of my dreams become true. Meeting this expectation would cost me the diversity in my skills. I feel so very attached to those hard earned skills (though many of them might look very trivial to others) that my mind is not accepting the idea of letting them go or even letting them stay in one corner. When ever someone talk about a problem in Matlab or programming or philosophical idea or signal processing or cultures I want to get involved. But if I fluctuate every time I come across something like this I would never achieve the depth I want to achieve in my subject.

Last one full semester I was going through this trauma of 'having to let go'. All my life due to my scattered activities I hardly spent any focused time with studies. I did many other things connecting them to my studies somewhere so that eventually they all add to my academic gains also somehow. In the end I mugged up some more necessary stuff, gave the exams and was done! But, I cannot do it any more. I cannot cheat system from at this point , I should not infact. I will tell you why I should not.

You all must be knowing the small tea shops on the road side. Many of the people who found their livelihood in them have been making just tea or may be a few standard snacks all their life. The process has become so much a part of their life that it seems their hands know the skill of making it, not even involving their brain. They know so many intricate details of 'making tea' so that they might even give you a few hours long lecture on it. Every person who stuck to any work however trivial or complicated it might look, must be having a lot to tell on their profession. There I would like to refer to Robert Kiyosaki again. He always recommended diversity and hence voiced strongly against specialization. But if you looked at him, all those traits which he said to have made him successful in his life were achieved through deliberate specialization on business, money making strategies, philosophy of investing and financial intelligence. Had he been some one who wandered in thoughts all his life he would never have been able to give such a marvelous book on money philosophy. Again coming back to teashop, the people who entered tea making career in their early life, soon finding tea making to be "too trivial a job for them" and hence switched perhaps would never understand that tea making also could be so complicated.

Another thing worth mentioning is that when one focus on some profession for long enough a duration one do not just realise the details of that profession. Achieving perfection in any thing with consistency would complete the person spiritually and socially too. This is something one has to figure out oneself. I would sound too funny if I try to explain it here. But next time when you hear a cobbler telling that "I got your personality just by looking at your shoes" or a tea maker telling that "life is like a boiling pot of tea" for this, this reason, don't think he is queer but it is because he has found his life's philosophy or a pattern in behavior there, concentrating on his career while going through different phases of his life. It was developed through careful study and deliberate consistency.

But, still how to let go of the fields I loved was a question before me (and still need a lot of work on my side). I surely did not want to let go of my interests in the fields I had spent time with. I needed a thought change here. Many people who walked before me in this line including my three guides (Dr. MNS, Prof. VR and VK) all stressed on the importance of focusing in one thing every time I came up with many different new ideas for dealing with the same technical problem at hand. Actually, I was running on a road with many lanes, changing between them as and when I wished. Now, I need to take one of them at this junction (if i am not too late already). Finally I was emotionally ready for the long needed change because of the situations I put myself into by choosing a PhD. But I needed some sort of trigger . There a friend of mine (thanks KKM!!) gave me a brilliant view during a discussion on this topic yesterday. With this line of thinking I am hoping to cross this barrier of my PhD life. His thought was based on two arguments.

The best part of his first argument could be summarized in one sentence as "Try to find all the happiness that you used to find in those diverse fields in the one you are specializing now". For this he gave a very beautiful example. He is a person who like music, dance, games, animation making and many. He said if he had to specialize in one thing say dance what he would have done would be to find the qualities of music in dance. He also would have tried to add the physical activity and the pleasure he got through games also into dance. He would also have included the happiness of animation making through good choreography in dance. Like this one can diversify within ones own specialization without losing the focus or having to spend time on other things which he cannot do given the situation. "But if one say that you find music or game in dance people might say you are not really normal. But it is like that. When one reach a level that others have not reached or when one start experiencing something which others around have not, you cease to be like others. It is like being in love when one is among those who never experienced love. To them you would look abnormal. But a person who has been in love once would understand."

For me, I needed to find the pleasure of programming in photonics, the pleasure of philosophical thinking in the context of photonics and its influence on the people, I need to look at theology from the paradigms in photonics(!! :)), I needed to see fundamental physics which I love from the perspective of photonics (which was the reason why I chose photonics in first place.. as an entry point into physics) , I need to find the energy of management and team work in working on potonics... hence eventually I should be able to meet all needs of my mental and intellectual faculty through photonics. This should be the way I connect myself with people and world around me. This would leave me looking a little out of place. Perhaps this is why a proper PhD or researcher look a little different (if I ever manage to be one)! But, in the end "acquiring knowledge or learning is like moving up in a cone; in the apex all merge into one point" (Courtesy - Mufeez, Prof. UD) and the wisdom (or realization) one achieved by systematic study of physics would be no different from the knowledge another one acquired while trying to improve the tea one made every day, or from the mathematician who understood everything in terms of long equations and from one who tried to see everything in terms of money.

Second sentence which he said was that "Do keep something for hobby without really making it ones main work. If our hobbies also become our profession what will be there for us to enjoy and relax?". Well, that was true for me always. This was the one single most important reason why I did not make programming or drawing my career earlier also. These are the things I enjoy doing and are my hobbies. If I start depending on them for my living they would cease to be my hobbies. Science was also my liking, but it needed a lot of other things to enable me follow it, so I thought I'd better do it with full focus. Some where making it my career I have reduced the amount of fun I used to get from it a little bit, ("Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it" - Einstein) but I believe a consistent focusing on it would teach something which I am not able to see today, eventually getting me to a better understanding of life, society and myself like the cobbler saw personality traits in shoes or tea maker found life's philosophy in the tea pot! Also, I still would have some of my hobbies intact... :).

Now I have to make these thinkings work in my life. I need to recast myself from a butterfly in the garden back in to a pupa in a shell. I need to take up a reverse metamorphosis. It is tough. Concentrating and making myself stick to one task was always tough for me. But I have to. So long I was confused whether to let go or not. But I am realizing its importance today. It is a little late, though not too late I hope. I have to study. Then only I would have a story one day to tell those people who will be starting off anew on their dreams. I do not want to be a wannabe in the late years of my life having some scattered dreams and no real stuff, like our Mr. Nice (don't tell any one who he is if you know!!) who struggle every time he has to do some serious derivation on black board. I want to have the depth and completeness. That is what I respect today and that is what I want for myself.

Viswas

Kanpur

17-11-09

Tail tip :

1. Specialization as I mentioned is not free of cost. What we lose on focusing would be the ability to think unthinkable. This quality usually comes out of wandering minds whose skills and knowledge are widely diversified. They can bring in ideas from one field into another. That is perhaps what I am doing today. I need to give up this skill now in order to make one such idea work. One can also get others to work on ones ideas. That is what an entrepreneur do. But even he would be specializing on managing things eventually and his skills would also get focussed towards money and work pattern he resorted to. A better way to hit a balance in the line of work I chose for myself would be to discuss and collaborate. I should be focusing on my work, but occasionally lending my ears to others ideas. One can do this by going for conferences of totally unconnected fields or cafeteria discussion with people from other field. Also when I am hopelessly stuck with my work I would walk out and talk to people about the problems of bioengineering or number theory, may be. Otherwise I should be working on my focused area only. Of course I would look for solutions for others problems in my free time without really bothering my work, that would fall under my hobby category and would add to my minimum required diversity in thinking which would eventually help me innovate in my field too.

2. I believe wisdom is what we all live for. It is not what is written books I am talking about. But that wisdom which would let you go of all when you have to. The realization of truths of life which would come only through time. The practical generalizations about people, behavior of society, situations that could arise, network of relations, positions of money, religion, family and such in an individual's life etc... these things make wisdom as per me. There are no formulas or axioms from which one can do a long derivation and conclude this is fact of life. The knowledge about life is gained through experiments we do every day. When outcomes repeat we may group them into categories and use this classification for drawing up generalizations. These generalizations eventually would help us predict outcomes in given situations. These generalizations also help us in understanding the underlying rules of social, human and spiritual fabric.

Generalizations need multiple outcome from similar experiments. In statistics we have two ways of getting multiple outcomes, one of which is to perform lot of experiments under similar conditions at the same instant, average the results and conclude to some generalizations (ensemble average). But as human beings with limited capabilities we cannot do lot many experiments on life at the same time. What we can do instead is to repeat the experiments we did again and again in slightly different situations and positions of life. At the end we would have a big collection of connected outcomes so that we can make some credible conclusions. That is what a person stuck to one line of work get by age. That is how age give one wisdom. But if you are doing different experiments every day at the end what you would have would be a useless heap of data from which one can make no useful conclusion. If one want to build wisdom in life, that wisdom which would help you evolve to that near perfect person whom you respect today, you need to focus, repeating same experiment over and over again all through your life...

Dan Gilbert asks, Why are we happy?

2009-11-17T12:13:00.000+05:30

ദീപ - മുഖസ്തുതി

2009-11-16T12:03:00.010+05:30

Derick and Deepa

Photo update from 04-11-10

There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.- Homer (Odyssey)

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കൊറേ നാളായി ഇവളെ കുറിച്ച് കഴിഞ്ഞ ആറേഴു കൊല്ലത്തെ ചരിത്രം ചുരുക്കി ഒരു പുസ്തകം എഴുതണം, എഴുതണം എന്ന് വിചാരിച്ച് ഇരിക്കുന്നു. മടി കാരണം തല്‍കാലം ഒരു ഓര്‍ക്കുട്ട്-മുഖസ്തുതിയില്‍ ഒതുക്കാമെന്നു വെച്ചു. കഥാ പാത്രത്തെ അധികം അറിയാത്തവര്‍ക്ക് വേണ്ടി ഒരു ആമുഖം...കഴിച്ച പോത്തിറച്ചീടെ ഊറ്റം മുഴുവന്‍ കാണിച്ചും ആവശ്യമുള്ളടതും ഇല്ലാത്ടതും ബോനെറ്റ് പൊക്കി ചിരിച്ചും നടക്കുന്ന ഒരു സംഭവത്തിനെ ആണ് ദീപ എന്ന് വിളിക്കുന്നെ. കണ്ടാല്‍ ഒരു വന്‍ ഭീകരി ആണെന്ന് തോന്നുമെങ്കിലും ആളൊരു പാവമാണ്. അല്പം അസൂയും നല്ലപോലെ അഹങ്കാരവും ഉള്ളതൊഴിച്ചാല്‍് നല്ല തങ്കം പോലത്തെ കൊച്ച്. ഏറ്റവും കൂടുതല്‍ സംസാരിച്ചതിന്‍ അങ്കമാലിയിലെ പ്രധാന മന്ത്രിയുടെ കൈയില്‍നിന്ന് അവാര്‍ഡു കിട്ടുകയും, ദീര്‍ഖ ദൂര ട്രെയിനില്‍ യാത്ര ചെയ്ത്തുള്ള പരിചയത്തിന്റെ പേരില്‍ റെയില്‍വേ TC ജോലി വാഗ്ദാനം ചെയ്തെന്നും കേട്ടു (?) . അനാവശ്യമായി സംസാരിക്കുമെന്ന്‍ നാട്ടുകാര്‍ പറയാറുണ്ടെങ്കിലും... എനിക്ക് മറിച്ചഭിപ്രായമില്ല! എങ്കിലും തനിക്ക്‌ ഉറപ്പില്ലതത് ഒന്നും പറയില്ല, മനസ്സില്‍ തോന്നിയത്‌ പറയാതിരിക്കതുമില്ല. പിന്നെ ഒരു കൊഴപ്പമൊണ്ടു... ആരേലും നാല് നല്ല വാക്ക് പറഞ്ഞാലോ കൂട്ടുകാരെന്നു കേട്ടാലോ വാലും പൊക്കി നാല് കാലും പറിച്ച് പൊറകെ ഓടും... ചിലപ്പോള്‍ മറ്റുള്ളവര്‍ക്ക്‌ ആവശ്യത്തിലും കൂടുതല്‍ വില കൊടുക്കാറുണ്ടെന്ന് എനിക്ക് തോന്നീട്ടൊണ്ട്.സംസാരിച്ച് തുടങ്ങി അര മണികൂറില്‍ സ്വന്തം ഉള്ളിലെ കള്ളി മുഴുവന്‍ പൊറത്ത് ആക്കാറുന്റെന്കിലും, ഈ അനേകം കോടി ആളുകളുള്ള ലോകത്ത്‌ ഞാന്‍ ഏററവും അധികം വിശ്വസിക്കുകയും സ്നേഹിക്കുകയും ചെയുന്നത് ഒരു പക്ഷെ ഇവളെ ആണെന്ന് എനിക്ക് പലപ്പോഴും തോന്നാറൊണ്ട്. (സെന്റി...)

ഇവളെ കുറിച്ചുള്ള ഈ പരമ രഹസ്യമായ സത്യങ്ങള്‍ ഇങ്ങനെ പരസ്യമായി വിളിച്ചു പറഞ്ഞതിന്‍ കൊല്ലപ്പെട്ടിട്ടില്ലെന്കില്‍ വീണ്ടും കാണാം...

എന്ന് പറഞ്ജ് ആശംസകളോടെ ഈ ചെറു മുഖസ്തുതി പ്രസംഗം ചുരുക്കുന്നു ... നന്ദി നമസ്കാരം... (കൈയടി)

വിശ്വാസ്

16-11 -09
കാന്‍പൂര്‍

PS : ജീവന്‍ പ്രിയപ്പെട്ടതായകൊണ്ട് പ്രസിദ്ധീകരിക്കാതെ പോയ ഒരു‌ ഓര്‍ക്കുട്ട് - മുഖസ്തുതി പ്രസംഗം.

First love, Love, marriage and commitment!!!

2009-11-14T12:24:00.011+05:30

Once more I am going to talk about love and its evolution. I think I am getting too clingy to this subject. But, its okie dude; this is the age to make fuss about this issue right. Anyway, I was thinking some stuff and had some discussion on this with friends. Useless as in the case of any discussion on love. Still I thought of sharing, hoping to irritate some fellas!

Let me start with love. I told you guys, its a paradox and stuff. So when we "fall in love" for the first time we make a definition of love. Generally we attribute this thing called love to the particular responses of the other person to the stimulus you give, by your presence, sound, looks, behavior etc. Then if the sentiments in both the involved parties are strong enough they accept each other's definition of love and start spending time together. Otherwise what ensues is a painful loss for one. I am not discussing that here. May be there are points where giving up is better. So, there are three things which become parts of mutually accepted love once it start.

1. The definition of love (first love in that case)

2. Time the two spend together

3. Commitment.

Lets talk about each of these in the context of possible developments of a relation viz.

1. Marriage leading to a near perfect relation overcoming differences and distances

2. Break up due to loss of "love"

3. Break up and re involvement because of external unpleasant factors

4. Breakup and re-involvement due to a third(or fourth!)-party favored by lack of conducive environment for sustaining love

5. Break up and never get involved again.

6. Break up and become a flirt

1. Marriage leading to a near perfect relation overcoming differences and distances

This is the most preferred outcome of any love relation, but rarely achieved. The reasons which make marriage rarely achievable are discussed in coming sections. But in short, this needs good choice of external ( social, economical, family etc.) and personal (likes, dislikes, physical attribute, mental disposition etc.) factors, lot of understanding on either party's side and strength of strong commitment. The reasons to move out would be too many and to stick together would be only a few. Now what matters is how much one can control oneself and communicate. One need to really work hard to make a love relation success. Distances need to be bridged (phone, chat, and some times even compromise of career to be together!!). Lack of personal presence is bad for a relation, and may worsen due to poor communication skills. One need to arrange for periodic mending of relations in the case of inevitable distance through meeting ups and like. Once you succeed you might find that it was all worth the effort. Of course, a successful marriage is not the end, but a beginning, a required one.

Summary of requirements : All the three factors of love have to be strong, particularly commitment. Many rounds around the triangle of love [1] alone can get you into the center. With strong commitment one can cover up weakness in other two to an extent which is sure to occur many times in the long journey of life :).

2. Break up due to loss of "love"

This usually happens when one start a relation without equipping oneself sufficiently. Most love starts with an amount of infatuation which become part of "definition of love". If the other factors are not strong enough, with distance and lack of commitment love will be lost. Sometimes love starts due to external factors on whose removal you lose reason's to love. Sometimes personal abilities are lost. Some times environment changes.At such time even when together the total picture may look different (occurs in case of people lacking required commitment with some social/economic/physical mismatch migrating form one society to another). In most of the cases this would leave at least one emotionally hurt if not both.

3. Break up and get re involved with another because of external unpleasant factors

This is very common in orthodox societies and in the case of passing away of one involved. Even if both parties love each other, if one of them is dependent on family or is finding unable to resist oppositions arising due to poor choice of external factors(social, economical etc.) or changed environment, relations may not evolve into marriage. There are no many solutions for this situation, but to either face it head on(which needs lot of social, economic and emotional independence) or to simply accept the change as inevitable. In this case both getting emotionally hurt is an unavoidable consequence. What is needed at this moment is to refrain from over indulgence and refraining from things which could do social physical or psychological damage to one another. This is very very important. Drive to do the other way would be very large and one need to be a really balanced person to cross this phase without damaging oneself and others.

The another important thing which calls for discussion here is 'what after break up'. The options are not many though, one of them is to get re involved with another person. There will be many challenges in that case. First one is mismatch with 'definition of first love'. When one fell in love for the first time a definition of love was made which involved the person's responses and the set of feelings one get on seeing or being with other. So when one embark on love for a second time what one does is to correlate the previous feeling and response with current one. Basically what you do is to search for the first person's qualities in the second. But every individual have different responses to situations. Each person feel and make feel in a different way from another. This makes you feel less 'love' compared to the first case as I have heard from many people. But it must not be so.

What one must do as per me is to break these prejudices. If one really is seeking love he/she should stop looking for the one left behind. One should be able to see what is there in the new person which you can accept and love. I am sure you would find things totally different this time. Everything including feelings would be different and love would be as new as the first one. This would not happen if one stay adamant about the definition of love. Truth is that there is no one single definition of love. It is a mix of particular 'definition of love in emotions and feel', commitment, and time one spend. People generally conclude that what they found second time is not love because of the difference in feel. But, the truth is that one is supposed to feel different with a different person with a different nature and character. One need to understand this fact to really live life again. Of course memories would be there. They might make one feel distracted at times, but it actually have no particular order as on whether first or second but is more dependent on how deep the relation was. So choose properly, make new relation deeper than all and add unfailing commitment to your love.

4. Break-up and get re-involved due to third-party-involvement favored by lack of conducive environment for sustaining love

This is a really unfavorable situation and is a clear indication of lack of ability to carry out one's convictions to oneself and other. Sometimes I feel pity for them. But many times this situation came because of early choice of partner without giving it much of a thought. Some times the situation come up because of prolonged separation and lack of communication. Some times just because of a strong external influence. But what ever the reason be consequence is not good. If the first relation was too fragile, lacked essence and was badly in need of change, the damage would be less. But changing a fully committed and passionate love for mere attraction to some one else is a piteous act. Again, the remedies are the same as before, but is very difficult to succeed since the person already showed inability to carry out one's commitments. In the only solution I can think of commitment is the backbone.

5. Break up and never get involved again.

This is where most of the people start after a break up of a passionate love. But soon many of them realize that love is not so sacrosanct thing which is a single one defined with one for all, defined by the first experience. Life is not a thing to be kept in a bank account safely and to be savored together in one go once you find the ideal one whose definition you knew from your mother's womb. It is a collection of moments good and bad. You live on the go. You are living your life even when reading this. Experiences, good and bad are distributed somewhat evenly across relations and time. Today you live more with your friends, tomorrow with your partner, later with your children and after that with your grand children.... It is not bound to anything; not even to yourself, how can it be bound to some one else. One cannot see this when eyes are filled with tears, sometimes they do not want to see out of their own convictions. I won't blame them. The choice is theirs. But, just as long as they don't bother others with their beliefs, becoming perverted, serial killers or sexists everything is fine. If you can't don't do it. Nor is a thing like suicide worth for your love loss. Convictions are good as long as they are with sane intentions. But convictions of one who cannot contain ones emotions becomes a menace for oneself and society.

6. Break up and become a flirt

Generally when one lose love or rather fail in love due to some reason he/she tries to recede from or push forward oneself abnormally into society. The consequence of the second approach to ones loss is his/her becoming flirt. A extra ordinarily extrovert behavior with a little touch of (sometimes too much explicit) romantic and sentimental comments is what results from such people. Sarcasm and open comments on romantic issues is general ways of self defense such people resort to. I found the people using this strategy for self defense against possible gloom and loneliness to their benefit to an extent with a larger social circle opened up, as long as they keep the limits. (but in some cases followed by a quick receding after marriage or getting involved with some one else). Some times they run into still deeper trouble because of having too many 'fan's who think they would make good couple! and eventually will end up hurting many people unnecessarily. So go for it to a limited extent if one need to, but do not over do it. That is my suggestion.

So that was a review of the process of evolution of love! Think where you are. You must be knowing most of these things already. But, I was just putting things down for reference for myself and others when I/you is in one of these positions with vision blurred behind tears (both happy and sad). Generally things are much more simple than what I have mentioned here. The picture I have given is more like reference points. Situations will be found mostly on the fuzzy edges between these. Rest is all on your judgement and experience with relations :). Do add if you have more points...

Viswas

Kanpur

14-11-09

Show me a world...

2009-11-11T14:23:00.002+05:30

Life was never the same... changes never stopped... I always tried to predict my future based on my past experiences, but future always proved me wrong. Future always had more than what I could see. Now I am getting tired of this uncertanity, this never ending unknown. At least now, I do not want changes. Show me a world I know and understand, where I know how to do and what to do, for a while at least.

Viswas

11-11-09

Kanpur

A STORY ..... (From home page of Prof. Thanu Padmanabhan )

2009-11-02T16:55:00.005+05:30

I do not know this Professor in person.. but the story he has put in his page seems to be telling some truth....

*********

"
In the court of Akbar Badshah ( `Badshah', loosely translated, means `emperor'), there was a musician called Tansen. He used to enthrall everyone in Akbar's Court with his superb performances. Once, after such a rendition, Akbar started praising him sky-high and said, "There can be no-one else in this world who can sing so well". Tansen disagreed, saying he knows of a hermit who lives in the jungle on the banks of Yamuna river who is far superior and that Tansen himself has learnt music from him for sometime. Akbar, who could not believe this, wanted to listen to this hermit in order to judge for himself. Since the hermit did not want any publicity, it was decided that Tansen will take Akbar near the place where the hermit lived and they should listen to his music without creating any disturbance.

They set out one day and reached the jungle near the river Yamuna, where, at a distance, they saw the hermit's hut. As the sun was setting on Yamuna, with all Nature at peace, the hermit came out his hut, sat on a rock facing the river and started singing. Akbar could immediately see that this was music of a completely different class which Tansen could never produce.

On their way back, Akbar queried, "Tansen, you say he taught you music; clearly, he has held back some techniques from you".

"No", said Tansen. "I know all the technical aspects of music he does."

"But, Tansen, then how do you account for such difference in quality ?"
"It is simple. He sings for Yamuna while I sing for Badshah".
"
*********
From home page of
Prof. Thanu Padmanabhan, IUCAA, Pune, India.

http://www.iucaa.ernet.in/~paddy/

Some more interesting (hmmm!) stuff from same Prof.

http://www.iucaa.ernet.in/~paddy/answer/article.htm

So, where have I reached?

2009-10-27T05:21:00.007+05:30

Two years and some odd months back, when I decided to leave a job and go for higher studies, one thing I wanted was to take a break and look at my direction from a different angle, among many other things. In the Statement of Purpose I used at that time I wrote something like.. "I would study communication systems and device designs... earn experience in that field and eventually turn to business in that same line." Now when I look back I am not sure whether I am in the road-map-sort-of-thing I had or not. People say that writing things down will let one see things clearer... let me give it a try...

It was when I was working that a friend of mine introduced me to the celebrated book titled "Rich Dad Poor Dad". That book directly attacked many fundamental concepts in my mind. It questioned my love for science, my motives in education, thoughts on life, concept of charity, idea of business, approach towards relations and many. Some changes were obviously right, some others really very controversial. The author Robert Kiyosaki had his arguments laid down firmly. He had addressed many questions one from a different line would raise. In his highly diplomatic language he declared every one who do not earn enough money for fulfilling (more appropriately buying) their dreams as failures in life.

His statements had a deep impact on me. I am still thinking on many of them. His discussion spans all spheres of life including even the idea of renunciation. He did not really question canonical ideas as "money is root of evil" but rather said them as baseless statements. He believed in money and one's dreams depend heavily on "financial intelligence". I have to agree with him to a great extent, though I am still not sure what is right in the case of some of them. Beyond those things which are still under thought , my mind is unquestionably unable to believe or accept somethings. His words are not gospel or something, but certainly many of his ideas are intuitively right. Even when some of his ideas are doubtful and some are clearly unacceptable, a dilemma occurs, as on Who is right? I could easily be wrong, because I do not have much experience with money and needs of life, but he also could be wrong because fundamentally he could be a different person with different set of dreams and different set of requirements. I am not telling that I donot need money to make a home or buy some basic needs or for meeting any emergency that might come. I need money, but there are some dreams which just cannot be bought.

For example, I want to learn physics. It is not to make anything or do anything with it. The fun I am dreaming about is the process of learning itself. The time I spend imagining and picturing the abstract ideas and concepts is what I cherish. This is something which I cannot buy with any amount of money. I need to spend time, that too the time of my life when my mind is alive and my body youthful. This is a dream which would render my financial position in long run compromised. If I manage an extra qualification in this process, I would atleast stand a good chance for getting a reasonably good job in the end (though, a similar one I can get even now without that. The idea is that I would not become totally inept to earn my needs even after doing all these). This would in turn give me a reasonably good livelihood, as an employee.

Robert is okay with this, but only if I save the money in a systematic patten and ensure that enough cash flow is there. For cash flow my investments has to be wise and I should be building assets. There comes a problem. Building assets as business establishment, land, stocks etc will need some time and effort. Locating investment, buying them, tracking them, selling them on time, maintaining market etc is a pretty much involved process. Then this will load heavily on current pursuing of dreams.

Even if I manage to do investments reasonably well without affecting my studies, still the person doing the investments in limited level is not good enough or "successful" enough, as per Robert. I am not sure if he is giving his perspective only or is it the truth (obviously he never tasted what it means to appreciate science or arts, for him most of the dreams are materials or objects which could be bought, "most") that, the most successful people in the world are successful investors.

To give an introduction to the terminologies used... Robert in his book clearly distinguishes an employee, a self employed, a businessman and an investor. The difference can be outlined as below

Employee - Some one who depend on some system ran by an employer, for his income. His income is directly proportional to his hard work and is heavily dependent on mercy of employer. As he grows and family grows his money requirements increase. This leads to his spending more time at work and eventually ending messing up both family and work life in later years. He is dependent on employer availability and demand for his trade specialization. He work for money (thats all?).

Self employed - His income is proportional to his work again. As he grows and family grows his money requirements increase. This leads to his spending more time at work and eventually ending up messing up both family and work life in later years. He is dependent on customer availability and demand for his trade specialization (thats all?).

Business man - His income is proportional to his work, social circle, financial intelligence, etc and is less dependent on any trade specialization or subject skill. He can switch business line as per changes in market easily, since he can always employ people who are smart in the new field. As he grows older his business will start becoming more independent. The people he employed will start running the business for him and he can eventually become an investor. He work for money in his early stages of life and eventually money will start working for him.

Investor - This is the ultimate point in financial evolution. Here the intelligent investor put his money wisely (which in fact need not really exist!) and the money he invest fetch him cash-flow. This cash-flow once established help him achieve his financial goals and retire early. As he grow older his money will make him more free for his family. Money work for him.

It all sounds wonderful right... Now let me ask you the same question I was addressing before telling this. How about those dreams which cannot be bought? I am not sure that I have an answer... but, to invest what ever little bit of money I get as much wisely as I can. That is the best compromise I could find. After all every one need to have a family, and no one can let thing go to chaos just like that. Dreams are real, so are other needs. In fact needs are perhaps greater than dreams. So if dreams come in the way of needs then what to do? Is not the actual definition of success getting all tangible things you need? or is it attaining all your intangible needs or so called non monetary dreams? But even then time for family at later years of life is a really luring offer... don't you think so?

Now I have a totally opposite perspective to give you. This is also from another very famous book - "Alchemist". I would not tell the story outline for that one. It would be too trivial of me doing so. Still in nutshell it tells us to believe in and follow one's own dreams. Though in the book dream itself was money(gold) so it would not have caused much contradiction even if Robert read it ;). I agree... that was a very much valid dream... it was definitely worth chasing... But what about others, who have a heart which wants something different also along with those buy-able dreams? Perhaps finding an ideal compromise is what one should work on first.

So here I am in the path of my dreams... confused, not knowing what my real dream is, half way in one and heart still sharing other. A family's care, ensuring their financial well being and pleasure of learning are not going along in one line. I am in between both. Since I saw the notice board telling about a B-Plan contest in TechKriti, my mind is hovering over the long suppressed dream of running a business. I sometimes feel that I lack the skills for becoming a business man. I do not even like to talk much to people, how can I run a business. The truth is that I never worked on those skills, then how can I decide that I do not have those skills. But, working on those skill at this point would definitely mean distracting myself away from the dream I am pursuing today, one of studying. This also would mean ruining a promised career as an employee or self employed at later stage. But isn't risk part of every scheme?

Hmmm... long discussion... so, I need to conclude...

may be...

I think I should continue my studies and keep on investing at every opportunity I get... I am not advocating inactivity... but at times inactivity at some things is required to get full benefit of work already undertaken. If it is really meant for me I would get a chance for a business which suit my skills and eventually make me financially independent too... or perhaps I would find a career which would help me forget little hassles of life.... let me hope for the best...

Don't feel that I am totally lost... I think all this is part of a PhD life... :)

Viswas

Kanpur

27-10-09

The Love Paradox Box

2009-10-22T16:21:00.005+05:30

I once told you about being Schroedinger's cat. It was something like... If one tries to find out how a cat locked in a hardboard box (with enough ventilation, through which you cant look in) is doing by opening the box, you will find it either dead or alive. But before opening you don't know the state. So it could be in some state between dead or alive also....

So... This time I am taking the same paradigm for a different context in a different way. Actually I saw a story. A small one. Its a little complicated one because it involves another paradox called love. To start, love is a phenomenon which on seeing also one cannot tell if it exist or not. It is like, if you open the box believing that cat is alive inside (of course, under some conditions which is met in most of the cases) you will most probably find it alive. But, if you opened the same box thinking that the cat is not alive, the cat most probably will be dead "for you". So it is a biased cat in a box. The observer's will can modify the outcome to a large extent as far his/her observation is concerned.

So the story... Yeah... once, in a far away land, a beautiful girl opened the Love Paradox Box. She was not sure what she wanted to see. But, she perhaps fancied (or was curious about) the idea of seeing love existing inside. Because of that when she peeped in, she saw something very beautiful. But just as in Schroedinger's cat case, she was forced to accept what ever she saw as it is. She had no way to check if what she saw was right or wrong. Then she handed the box over to a boy saying that she saw something very beautiful inside. He was also very excited about the idea of finding that interesting thing. Inside, he too fancied the concept of love a lot. Consequently he also saw something very beautiful. He was very glad, he returned the box telling that he saw love. She was not very comfortable with the idea that what she saw was love. Because when she saw love once long back it was looking very different. So this time she decided that what she saw was not love and opened the box again. What else... she saw nothing. After all it was a biased box!

So... if you are planning to open the Love Paradox Box, by any chance, first ask your mind what do you want to see inside; because most probably what you are going to see is what your mind want to see. If you think, what you want to see is not what you can afford to see, leave it. After all what matters is "what a (wo)man can do and what a (wo)man can't" (: Cpt. Jack Sparrow). But once you see the love inside, something called "pleasure pathways" in your brain will be activated and some neurons will get connected to some others via some special connections dedicated for this purpose. Once all these links are established (which also will affect your physical, psychological and chemical balance) breaking them will be a difficult process. If you attempt stopping of an opened pathway it will lead to series of complications and breakdown of overall biological and psychological balance.

The immediate consequence of a pleasure pathway blockage (also called "break up") is lack of sleep, appetite, depression, feeling of worthlessness, lack of meaning in life (actually life never had much meaning, but we were not very bothered about it ...) etc... Obviously, they are not very pleasant experiences and you might want to avoid them. So decide what you can afford and what you want; then only open the Love Paradox Box. Still, if you cannot find any thing limiting "what you can do or can't do" or if your plans are matching somewhat with what you want to see... "BIIIINGOOOO" (: Prof Harish) go ahead.... and open up all the pleasure pathways in your head!! have a nice time....

Viswas

Kanpur

22-10-09

PS : Those who understood this will be given a chocolate each by Cadbury (on paying the price of course :P)

A Rider of The Dark

2009-10-21T08:49:00.012+05:30

I am not who I used to be,

I have lost me somewhere on the way,

Here is someone whom I don't know,

Whom I don't understand,

Those thoughts and views I held so tight-

are all gone. I don't know whether I let them go

or some one took it all away.

I am no more the one I used to be.

Today, I act like someone else do,

Today I feel like someone else do,

yeah, its not me.

Or am I?

Don't tell me I've got corrupted,

don't tell me my thoughts are corrupted,

Tell me this is not me, or am I?

If so, you should not have done it to me.

Those Riders of Bright-Reminiscence
From the lands of Wisdom, keep telling me of my past.

But I(my thoughts) have joined them;

The Riders of The-Dark, A clan which never let go.

I am not being hypocritical;

I(my thoughts) am just a mutant.

I(my thoughts) have changed, but not fully

I still talk like the past one, but don't act anymore.

Keep away from me

'cause I(my thoughts) have joined them;

The Riders of The-Dark,
in the lands of Passion.

If you see me speeding,

On a black unicorn, in a moonless night,

if you hear those shackles, with hollow sounding bells

If you see a black robe, fluttering in the wind...

Keep away, 'cause I am no good for you

know what I have become...
My arms are not wet yet,

but, know what I have become -

A Rider of The Dark- in the lands of Passion.

Viswas

Kanpur

21-10-09

It appears to me that the life is no fun without emotional depictions. In fact life is experienced through these versatile expressions only. The question is how many emotions can you feel? how many can you express? how many can you make others feel? how many emotions bother you? and how many can you pretend to be bothered by (or not)?

In the drama of life learn to express without being bothered and without bothering. Learn to feel without bothering and without being bothered. Then we start appreciating it.... The Melodrama of Life :)

ഒക്ടോബര്‍ പ്രഭാതം

2009-10-16T11:04:00.003+05:30

ദൂരെ നിന്നും ഒരു ബംഗാളി പാട്ട്, വീണയുടെ തന്ത്രികളിലെ വിറയല്‍ പോലെ എങ്ങോ നിന്ന് ഒഴുകിവന്നു എന്റെ മനസ്സില്‍ ഒരു പ്രഭാത ചിത്രം വരച്ച്ച്ചുതുടങ്ങിയപ്പോലാണ് ഞാന്‍ കണ്ണ് തുറന്നത്. ഒക്ടോബര്‍ മാസത്തിലെ പ്രഭാതത്തില്‍ എന്തോ പ്രത്യേകതയുണ്ട്. അസാമാന്യമായ പ്രശാന്തതയും ആനന്തവും ആണ് എനിക്ക് തോന്നുക ഈ സമയത്ത്. ഒരു തരം സംപൂര്‍ണ്ണത . എല്ലാത്തിനോടും ഒരു സുഖകരമായ വിരക്തി. ഒന്നും വേണ്ടാത്ത അവസ്ഥ. തന്നില്‍ ഉള്ള ആനന്ദത്തിന്റെ ആഴവും അളവും തരുന്ന ഒരു തരം പൂര്‍ണതാ ബോധം. എഴുതാന്‍ ഉള്ള ഒരു 'drive ' ഉണ്ടാവുന്ന സമയമല്ല. എങ്കിലും ഇങ്ങനെ ഒരു സമയവും ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഉണ്ടെന്ന് എനിക്ക് തന്നെ ഓര്‍ക്കാനായി ഞാന്‍ എഴുതാന്‍ തീരുമാനിച്ച് ഇരിക്കുകയാണ്, നോക്കാം എങ്ങനെ ആകുന്നെന്ന്‍.

പക്ഷെ എല്ലാവര്ക്കും ഇതേ ചിന്തയാനെണ്ണ്‍ തോന്നുന്നില്ല! ആരോ "यादें याद आती हे" വച്ച് senti ആക്കുന്നുണ്ട്, ഏതോ ഒരു room-ഇല്‍. ആഹ്! കുറ്റം പറയാന്‍ പറ്റില്ല ഈ സുഖകരമായ മുടല്‍ മഞ്ഞും വടക്കേ ഇന്ത്യയിലെ october -ന്റെ കൈയോപ്പായ ഇളം തണുപ്പും ഒക്കെ കൂടി പലര്‍ക്കും പലതാവും ഓര്‍മ്മ വരുത്തുക :)

ദീപാവലി കഴിയുമ്പോള്‍ ക്യാമ്പസ്സില്‍ ഇന്നു നിറഞ്ഞു കാണുന്ന ഈ വര്‍ണങ്ങള്‍ കറുപ്പിനും വെളുപ്പിനും വഴി മാറും. പൂക്കള്‍ തണുപ്പില്‍ വിരിയില്ല, കുട്ടികള്‍ തന്റെ വര്‍ണ്ണ വസ്ത്രങ്ങള്‍ മാറ്റി ഇരുണ്ട sweater -ഇലും മങ്ങിയ jacket -ഇലും കയറി കൂടി സ്വന്തം ശരീരത്തിന്റെ ചൂടില്‍ ഒതുങ്ങി പരീക്ഷയുടെ ചിന്തയില്‍ മുഴുകി നടക്കും. അതും ഒരു കാലം. ഇതൊക്കെ കഴിന്ജ് ഫെബ്രുവരിയില്‍ ആണ് ജീവന്‍ തിരികെ കിട്ടുക. ഈ ഒക്ടോബറില്‍ ഉണ്ടാവുന്ന ഇതേ ഫീലിംഗ്! ഇതേ പൂകള്‍ ഇതിലും വര്‍ണങ്ങളും, ഇതേ വിദ്യാര്‍തികള്‍ ഇതിലും വര്‍ണ്ണ ശബളമായ വസ്ത്രങ്ങളുമായി പുനര്‍ ജനിക്കുന്ന സമയം. മാറ്റം വളരെ വ്യക്തമാണ്. Campus-ഇന്റെ നിറം വിരിയുന്നത് ഓരോ ദിവസവും കാണാന്‍ കഴിയും. പറഞ്ഞു തോന്നിപ്പിക്കവുന്ന ഒരു feeling അല്ല ഇത്. അനുഭവിച്ച് അറിയണ്ട ഒന്ന് ആണ്!

ഈ സമയത്ത് എന്തെങ്കിലും പഠിക്കണം stress -തോന്നണം എന്നൊക്കെ വച്ചാല്‍ ആണ് പ്രശ്നം. ഒരു ചൂട് ഉണ്ടാവാന്‍ വല്യ പ്രയാസമാണ്. ഈ complacency , complacency എന്ന് പറയുന്ന ഒരു മടിയന്റെ പൂര്‍ണത ബോധം ഈ കാലാവസ്ഥയുടെ ഒരു പാര്‍ശ്വ ഫലം ആണ്. ഇതിനെ മറികടക്കാന്‍ ഏറ്റവും നല്ല പണി രാവിലെ room-ഇല്‍ ഇരുന്നു പഠിക്കാം എന്ന് വിചാരിക്കാതെ ഇറങ്ങി librari -യില്‍ പോവ്വാ എന്നുള്ളത് മാത്രമാണ്. അവിടെ ac-യില്‍ അടച്ച് ഇരുന്നു പഠിക്കുന്ന 'ബുജി' കളെ കാണുമ്പോള്‍ മൂട്ടില് ചെറുതായി ചൂട് അനുഭവപ്പെട്ടു തുടങ്ങും. പക്ഷെ അവിടേം പൊയ് ചെവില്‍ കുന്ത്രാണ്ടവും തിരുകി മേശപ്പുറത്ത്‌ വിസ്തരിച്ചു ഉറക്കം തുടങ്ങിയാല്‍ പിന്നെ അന്നെ രക്ഷിക്കാന്‍ ആര്‍ക്കും പറ്റില്ല...

അല്ല.... ഞാന്‍ എന്റെ സ്ഥിരം പരുപാടി പറഞ്ഞന്നേ ഒള്ളു.

ഇവിടെ ഇവന്മാരൊക്കെ ഒരു രക്ഷയും ഇല്ല കേട്ടോ.. ഒടുക്കത്തെ തല.. അതിനു മേലെ മരിച്ച്ചുള്ള പണിയും... നമ്മള്‍ ഇങ്ങനെ അലസമായിട്ടു നടന്നാല്‍ പിടിച്ചു പുറത്താക്കി കളയും . PhD ആണെന്നു വെച്ച് പഠിക്കാതിരുന്നാല്‍, ഒടുവില്‍ ഗ്രേഡ് 7/10 കിട്ടിയില്ലേല്‍ expel ചെയ്തു കളയുമെന്നാണ് പറഞ്ഞേക്കുന്നെ. ആഹ്! മകനേ ഇങ്ങനെ october -ഉം നോക്കീ ഇരുന്നാല്‍ അധികം october -കള്‍ കാണണ്ടി വരില്ലാ...

ഇങ്ങനെ വാചകം അടിച്ചിരിക്കാതെ ഞാന്‍ librari -യില്‍ പോട്ടെ ... അവിടെ പൊയ് ഉറങ്ങന്നത് പോലും ഇവിടെ ഈ പെട്ടിയേല്‍ കുത്തി കൊണ്ടിരിക്കുന്നതിലും പ്രയോജനകരമാവും! chat - ഇലൂടെ ബാക്കിയുള്ളവരുടെ സമാധാനം കേടുതുന്നതെന്കിലും ഒഴിവാക്കാമല്ലോ...

ആ പറയാന്‍ മറന്നു ...
ദീപാവലി ആശംസകള്‍.... :)

അപ്പം... ശരി... പിന്നെ കാണാം.

വിശ്വാസ്

കാന്‍പൂര്‍

16 -10 -09

ഒരു സ്വപ്നം കൂടി

2009-10-08T16:15:00.009+05:30

പുതു കന്നിന്‍ നാമ്പിലെ കനവിന്‍ സ്നിഗ്ധമാം നാരില്‍ ഞാന്‍

ഇന്നൊരു പുടവ നെയ്തെടുക്കും.

അതില്‍ ചെപ്പിലെ സിന്ദൂര ചായം പടര്‍ത്തി ഞാന്‍ തങ്കത്തിന്‍ താലത്തില്‍ വെയ്ക്കും.

കാവിലെ മഞ്ഞള്‍ കുറിയുടെ കുളിരില്‍ നീ എന്‍ കൈയിലെ മംഗല്യം വാങ്ങും.

പുഴയുടെ വെടുപ്പും ആമ്പലിന്‍ വെളുപ്പും നിന്‍ കസവ് കര മുണ്ടില്‍ പുഞ്ചിരിക്കും,
മാമ്പൂ മണമുള്ള കുഴല്‍ കണ്ട് കുയിലുകള്‍ കൂജനം പാടും,

പുലരിപ്പനിനീരിന്‍ കടുംചോപ്പു നിന്നുടെ നെറ്റിയില്‍ കുങ്കുമം ചാര്‍ത്തും,

ഉണരുമ്പോള്‍ നീ കൊളുത്തിതോഴുതൊരാ നിലവിലക്കെന്‍ ശുഭ ജ്യോതിയാകും.

ജ്ഞാനവും, ശ്രീയും വിളങ്ങുന്ന മുഘ ബിംബം എന്‍റെ കണി ചിത്രമാകും;

പുലര്‍കാല മഞ്ഞില്‍ നിന്‍ ഊഷ്മള ചുംബനം എന്‍റെ സൌഭാഗ്യമായി മാറും.

അന്തികയില്‍ അന്നം അര്‍പ്പിക്കും നീ എന്‍ ഗൃത്തിന്‍ ശ്രീദേവിയാകും;

സത്യത്തിന്‍ ശക്തിയും, വ്രതതിന്‍ വിശുദ്ധിയും, നന്മതന്‍ പുണ്യാഹവും നീ ആകും.

എവിടോ അലഞ്ഞു തളര്‍ന്ന എനിക്കു നീ സ്നേഹത്തിന്‍ നീര് നല്‍കും,

എന്‍റെ ധര്‍മ്മത്തെ നിന്‍ സ്വധര്‍മമാക്കും, നീ എന്നും അചല പ്രചോദനമേകും.

എന്‍റെ ഉള്ളില്‍ നിറഞ്ഞു തുളുമ്പുമീ സ്നേഹത്തില്‍ നീ ഞാനായി എന്നിലലിയും;

ഒരു ശ്വാസമായി, സ്വരമായി, ഒരു സുന്ദര സ്വപ്നത്തില്‍ മൊട്ടിട്ടു പൂവായ് വിരിയും.

****

ഇന്ന് വെറുതെ മെനഞ്ഞു കൂട്ടുന്നൊരീ വര്‍ണ്ണ കിനാവുകളൊക്കെ
നാളെ എനിക്കൊരു കാഴ്ചയായ് മാറുമോ,
വെറും മായാ മരീചികയാണോ?
എന്നുകില്‍, ഇല്ലാത്ത പട്ടില്‍, കാണാത്ത ചരടില്‍ തുന്നി മുഴുമിക്ക തന്നെ!

അഹോ! നെയ്തു പിരിഞ്ഞു പിണഞ്ഞു പോയോ ഈ, ചിത്രം വിരൂപമായ് തീര്‍ന്നോ?
നെയ്ത്തുകാരന്റെ ഈ സ്വപ്നം മുഴുമിക്കാന്‍ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ നൂലുകള്‍ പോരാതെ വരുമോ?

ഉത്തരം അറിയില്ലയെന്കിലും, ഈ ചിത്രം നിര്‍ത്താതെ എന്നും മെനഞ്ഞു സൂക്ഷം;
മിഴിവൊത്ത ചിത്രത്തെ മുഴുമിച്ചു കാലത്തിന്‍ മായപ്പുടവയില്‍ ചേര്‍ക്കാന്‍,

വെറുതെ, ഒരു സ്വപ്നം കൂടി ചേര്‍ക്കാന്‍.

വിശ്വാസ്

കാന്‍പൂര്‍

08-10-09

"To-be-Sketched"

2009-10-06T03:12:00.004+05:30

At eMpTy ....

2009-10-06T02:48:00.002+05:30

The Three Mistakes

2009-09-29T19:52:00.018+05:30

This Dusherra holiday, I was searching for winter under my pillows and I pulled out some old dry rains and perspiring summers. Since those very few friends I made here have gone home, I was left with no other choice but to talk to myself and my pillow. Little bit of time I went out and tried to socialize, but one got to be with friends to enjoy. So, I have got some time. It is not that I have nothing to do. But I am not in a mood to. So I thought of writing about the three mistakes in my school life that shaped me to what I am.

In my school days, I used to be very scared of my father's anger (I still won't want my father to get angry though the reasons are different) like any other kid would be. He had a typical method of punishing for important mistakes. At our home we had (have) a small tamarind tree on the edge of our courtyard (on which jasmine vines were grown). One small enough for us to break its branches ourselves when we were kids. Once we get caught for some mischief of serious "kind" we would undergo rigorous questioning, detailed cross verification and in the end if the fault is confirmed to be with us father would calmly ask us to go and get a good stick off the tamarind tree. That was a really tough part. It was never fun to get the stick for getting ourselves whacked. We used to really wish that he got the stick himself and did whatever he wanted (not really so :) but yeah. ).

Those days we used to have a chapter in Malayalam text book extracted from E.V. Krishnapilla's stories, in which he mentioned how he as a kid used to make cracks in the stick his father used so that it broke easily. The problem in implementing the same idea here was that my father also used to sit with us and read our books. So only thing we could do was to get 'healthy', straight and springy tamarind sticks which could make a whistling sound when you sway it fast. You can guess what used to happen afterwards.

With this background let me tell the actual story. I had a dictation that day and I scored somewhat 'ok' kind of marks in it. But it turned out to be a very bad day for getting a signature on the dictation book. Father was furious at my sister and I was scared to approach him in between the flexing stick. It was not so hard. But for me at that time was the most severe punishment the world. If he just yelled at me also I would have cried aloud, all the stick and everything was his gimmicks to add some sort of aurora, the halo of power... or... something of that sort; and it did have an effect. But I had to get the signature on my book somehow, otherwise teacher would create a scene in the class next day. I found a very convenient option and worked it out.

Next day morning our (III D) class teacher, Shiney Kochamma (means Kochu (little) amma (mother) that's how we used to call teachers in our LP school) collected the copies and started checking them. Seeing my book she called me by her side and started asking questions as who signed, and all. I could see flashes of anger and surprise on her face which she tried to hide behind her usually gentle face. After a few minutes of questioning she said me that she wanted to meet my father.

At our home kind of rule was that only father would sign copies or like stuff. Mother also would sign, but only after telling father, or in his absence. Basically both have to see the copies before one sign. So I could not take the copy to mother also and get it signed. The simple solution I worked out was that I put the signature myself, and I did too pretty well I thought. The only mistake I made was that I signed with a pencil which my father never used to do. This, with the obvious unsteadiness of my handwriting made my teacher suspicious.

Next morning father came to the school. He had a chat with the teacher. They both could not figure out why I would do such a thing when I was not having such a bad score 'that day'. Father on the way back told me that for what ever reasons I did it, whether it is the marks I got, or anything, it could have lead me to some serious troubles. He gave a lot of example situations in which such an act could lead to really serious consequences. I was literally getting preached to and I have to tell you, though I was not really scared of the consequences which he tried to explain, 'cause they did not make some real picture to me, I certainly got that I have done something really wrong, given the seriousness he showed and that I should not repeat it . Getting my father come to school and all the fuss around in itself was a big botheration for me. With all his talks he some how managed to make me kind of understand the importance of abstaining from those little mistakes that one do out of fear which could render one's whole life's good work futile in one go. He said me about the importance of truth, many other virtues(which were there in daily advices, but were more elaborated in view of the situation) and in particular he made me promise that I would never fake a signature even for fun. This was a very useful and effective technique which he used with me on some other issues as well. These little promises which he made me give, always stood with me as guiding rules when I had to overcome some sort of influence to do wrong especially under some really strong peer pressure. As far as fake signature is concerned nobody can fool me telling me that I put a fake signature somewhere, because I know I have never done that, but just that once. In spite of all these I once more made my hands wet in another dirty act, this time out of desire.

My second, biggest mistake(not the second in gravity) I made when I was in 4th standard. This is a mistake after hearing about which you may lose all the respect for me (if any ;) ). Still I am telling, its something I was hiding for so many years now. ( After writing this I am feeling pretty lite and I'm able to look at it as a silly childhood mischief... though not so very)

We had a classmate named Charuta. A pretty girl I too used to think :), a doctor's daughter. If I remember right she used to come in a black ambassador car to school :|. But, what I really noticed was something different. My attraction was very simple, the pencil box she had.

Father once told me that electricity is made by moving copper wires near magnets. I obviously could not believe him at all. If all the electricity could be made just by moving copper wires near magnets why were we having all the load shedding and electricity problems? But since he was the most knowledgeable person I knew at that time (even now when I really get stuck he only gives the best advice. Even about the most sophisticated problem in research he would give such simple ideas that would solve my problem to a great extent. I really don't know how he does it, but he does.) I had to test it before discarding the 'theory'. The problem was that the only magnet I had with me at that time was an old horse shoe magnet with hardly any magnetism left in it. I hunted for another magnet in all the junk at home but could not find any (It was before I broke the radio and found it had two BIIIG magnets inside).

The pencil box Charutha had was a magnetic latch type. It had a magnet which held lids on either side at its steel clip. I desperately wanted that magnet, and I would not ask for anything (even if I asked she would not have given it to me :P). One fine day, I found her pencil box lying on my table. I ensured that no one was watching me, slowly took the box below the table, removed the magnet and put it back. When she came back and found that her pencil box did not close properly she started searching and crying. I watched her crying and sorry, guilty, scared and what all I don't know. I could not let myself look like a thief (which I was :( ) by telling every one that I took it; but I wanted to give it back. Finally I gave it back with a lie that I found it under the table. I don't know whether fear was the driving force or it was sorry for doing 'wrong' which I did not certainly know how-much-wrong. The guilty feeling definitely looked smaller than the want I had. But what ever the feeling be, what I felt was for good due to what ever reasons, and I am a little relieved that I did at least return it :).

I did not accept my mistake at that time and it stayed with me for so long. Today the value of that pencil box might not look so big but I have to look at that crime from the value it held at that point. The gravity of the crime is large. I deserved punishment. But a punishment would have made me a regular thief. Any how I was saved from getting bad name or finishing the crime and getting used to it. I thought I would not do such a thing again in my life but then I realized that there always comes moments of flicker, of desire; when one want things one should not, bigger or smaller. But I have come out without actually doing those things which were wrong in most of the cases. May be I did something good somewhere to deserve some sort of divine intervention :P. If you still remember I would like to tell Charutha that I was really sorry for what I did that day and how I made her feel. Today, I am not sure whether I should feel sorry that I did not tell the truth at that moment. If I did at that point I could have looked like a thief and could have made a permanent negative impression about myself in my mind. So... anyway... thats what I did !!

The third mistake of mine in Baker school was not really a mistake. It was perhaps just a foolishness but it too had a long lasting impact on me. We had a class mate. She was a talkative girl, beautiful too. She used to sit with me in class when teacher mixed class giving the logic that girls talk less to boys than with girls. We both had almost same height so most of the times we used to sit together. She was charming of course that is why we are discussing this here :P. She used to wear white uniform top with a puff on her shoulders. Her curly oiled hair was held either in a blue hair band or hair clip having a cloth gauze filled with colored thermo coal balls. When our time there ended and went to different schools I wanted to be in touch with her...

I saw her a few times after lower primary school for a year. Later also I used to think about her. When I grew up I made her my first crush. Years passed, and when I was in 10th standard a friend of mine came happily to me and said me that she and him were in kind of love or something. I was depressed to learn that and that was the end of my first "love". A teen age love, truth of the depth of which I never tried to find out. After which I decided not to love again. But, you know it never works that way ;). Now when I look back there are so many crushes of which I have lost count long back. A few of them stand out vivid who left some real mark in my life. But no one really came to my life. Nobody was a lover. All stayed as crushes only. All stayed in the past. (Don't make too much fuss about last four sentences. C'mon I need to give a senti touch ok!)

In addition to telling some things from my life which could ring bells in your mind too, I have a major intention. I want to tell you the importance of the age which kids spend in LP schools, especially in 3rd standard. That is the age in which one can shape a kid's character for good or bad. The little incidents in that age will have a really long lasting impact. So if you have to handle children of that age use all your patience, believe me that is the age when children start understanding somewhat complicated philosophies and rules of social life. You need to really preach ideologies at that age in somewhat simplified way. In this stage children do not have the adolescent arrogance, but the curiosity to know and ability to accept. Whatever you teach at that age will stay and guide the child for their whole life. It is my experience. Tell me yours if you think different.

Viswas

Kanpur

29-09-09

2009-09-28T09:16:00.002+05:30

ऊं

ഹരി ശ്രീ ഗണപതയേ നമ: അവിഘ്നമസ്തു വിനായക

ഒരു സാമ്പിള്‍ വിദ്യാരംഭം ഇവിടെയും ആയിക്കോട്ടെ

പിന്‍ഗാമി

2009-09-18T13:45:00.008+05:30

എന്റെ കൈയ്യില്‍ പണ്ടു ഒരു സുഹൃത്ത്‌ തന്ന ഡയറിയുടെ താളുകളില്‍

ഞാന്‍ എന്‍റെ ഇന്നുകളുടെ പ്രവചനം കണ്ടെത്തി.

ഈ ജീവിതം മറ്റേതോ ജീവിതത്തിന്‍റെ പ്രതി ബിംബവും

നാമെല്ലാം ആരുടെയൊക്കെയോ പിന്‍ഗാമികളും ആകുന്നത്രേ.

പലതവണ മറിച്ചിട്ടും കാണാത്ത മാനങ്ങള്‍

ഇന്ന് ആ താളുകളില്‍ തെളിയുന്നത് കാണുമ്പോള്‍

പരിണാമം കാലത്തിന്റെ കലയും,

ഈ അര്‍ഥങ്ങള്‍ "വഴിയിലെ നിധിയും" ആണെന്ന് തന്നെ തോന്നി.

യാത്രയിലെ കണ്ടെത്തലുകളുടെ ഘോഷയാത്രയില്‍

താലപ്പോലികള്‍ പോലും കോടി കന്യകളുടെതത്രേ.

ഈ നീണ്ട യാത്രയില്‍, മുന്‍ഗാമിയുടെ അടികള്‍ പിന്തുടരുമ്പോള്‍,
എന്‍റെ കൈയിലെ വിളക്കിന്റെ നാളം-

കാട്ടിയ ചെറു ചുറ്റു വട്ടമേ എനിക്ക് കാണാന്‍ കഴിഞ്ഞുള്ളൂ.

നാളെ ഞാന്‍ മുന്ഗാമിയാകുമ്പോള്‍

എന്‍റെ കാഴ്ചകള്‍ മാറുകയും, ഇന്നലെ

ഞാന്‍ കണ്ട കാഴ്ചകള്‍ മറ്റൊരാള്‍ക്ക്

ഇന്നിന്റെ ദൃശ്യവുകയും ചെയും!

അന്ന്, ഞാന്‍ ഇന്നെഴുതുന്ന എന്‍റെ ഈ

കുറിപ്പുകള്‍ അവരുടെ ഭാവി പ്രവചനമാവാം.

ഇന്ന് കാണാത്ത മാനങ്ങള്‍ അവര്‍ ഇതില്‍ കാണുകയും, അങ്ങനെ,

എഴുതാനറിയാത്ത ഞാനും, എന്നെ അറിയാത്ത അവരും
അനുഭവത്തിന്റെ ഭാഷയില്‍ സംവദിക്കുയും ചെയ്യുമായിരിക്കും.

വിശ്വാസ്

കാന്‍പൂര്‍

18 -09-09

2009-09-18T11:54:00.001+05:30

वागर्थाविव सम्प्रुक्तौ वागर्थ: प्रतिपत्तये |

जगतः पितिरौ वन्दे पार्वतीपरमेश्वरौ ||

रघुवंश १.१ - कालिदास

പുണ്യം, ഒരു പുനര്‍ പാരായണം

2009-09-17T00:17:00.004+05:30

പറയാതെ ചൊല്ലിയ പ്രാര്‍ഥനയാണ് പുണ്യം

ഉത്തകാതിടത്ത് നല്‍കാതെ നൊമ്പരമായി ഉള്ളിലൊതുക്കിയ സ്നേഹമാണ് പുണ്യം

അറിയിക്കാതെ നല്‍കിയ സഹായമാണ് പുണ്യം

ഒന്നും നേടാതെ ശരിയെന്നു തോന്നിയപ്പോള്‍ നല്കിയതൊക്കയും പുണ്യം

വേദനിക്കുന്നിടത് ഓതിയ ആശ്വാസമാണ് പുണ്യം

കൊടുത്ത വാക്ക് മറക്കാത്തത് പുണ്യം

ശരി മാത്രം ചെയുന്നത് പുണ്യം

തെറ്റിനെതിരെ പൊരുതുന്നതു പുണ്യം

ബലഹീനതയെ വെല്ലുന്ന ധൈര്യം പുണ്യം

മനനസ്സിനെ തളയ്ക്കുന്ന സ്ഥൈര്യം പുണ്യം

അരുതാത്ത വാക്കിനെ വിലക്കുന്ന ചിന്തകള്‍ പുണ്യം

സ്നേഹത്തിനും, ശരിക്കും, ലോകത്തിനും മുന്‍പില്‍ തന്റെ വില തുഛമെന്നു കാണുന്നതു പുണ്യം

നീ ഇന്ന് വരെ എനിക്കായ് ചെയ്തതൊക്കെയും പുണ്യം

നീ നിനക്കായ് തിരഞ്ഞെടുത്തതും പുണ്യം

പുണ്യം ചെയ്യാനായി സഹിച്ച ചെറു നോവും പുണ്യം

സംഭവിച്ച അനിഷ്ടത്തെ ഓര്‍ത്തു ഒഴുക്കിയ അശ്രുവും പുണ്യം

നന്ദി എന്നും നിനക്ക്

ഇനിയും പിഴൈക്കാതിരിക്കട്ടെ ചുവടുകള്‍

പതറാതിരിക്കട്ടെ ചിന്തകള്‍

അലയാതിരിക്കട്ടെ വാക്കുകള്‍, നന്മയേ വരൂ.

ശരി ചെയുമ്പോള്‍ ശിരസ്സ്‌ കുനിക്കേന്ട

ആരയും ഭയക്കേണ്ട,

ഒന്നും ഒളിക്കെന്ട,

എങ്കിലും ചിത്രം കാണുന്നവര്‍ക്കും ഗ്രാഹ്യമവന്ടെ?

ഫലം ശരി തന്നെ ആവണ്റെ?

പുണ്യം പാപമാവതിരിക്കന്ടെ?

നിമിഷങ്ങളുടെ ശരികള്‍ നിമിഷങ്ങളില്‍ തന്നെ കഴിയട്ടെ

ജന്മാന്തരങ്ങളുടെ ശരിയാണ് പുണ്യം.

സരസ്വതി അവിടെ തന്നെ ഒഴുകട്ടെ

ഉള്ളിലെ പുണ്യമായ്

ചിന്തയുടെ തീര്‍ത്ഥമായി

ഒരു അര്‍ച്ചനയായി

യജ്ഞം യജ്ഞ ദേവനുളളതാണ്

യജ്ഞ ഫലം നിനക്കും

എങ്കിലും യജ്ഞവും യജ്ഞഫലവും മറക്കുക

കണക്കുകള്‍ സൂക്ഷിക്കാതെ, ശരിയില്‍, ശാന്തിയില്‍ ജീവിക്കുന്ന ജീവിതം തന്നെ ശ്രേഷ്ഠ പുണ്യം.

വിശ്വാസ്

കാന്‍പൂര്‍

16-09-09

എന്‍റെ എഴുതാത്ത കവിത

2009-09-14T20:34:00.012+05:30

എഴുത്തിനിരിക്കുംപോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ മാത്രം കരഞ്ഞില്ലന്ന്‍ അമ്മ പറയാറുണ്ട് ,

കുട്ടികള്‍ എഴുതുമ്പോളെന്തിനാണ് കരയുന്നത്? എനിക്ക് അറിയില്ല!

പക്ഷെ വളര്‍ന്നപ്പോള്‍ ജീവിതം എന്നെ അമ്മയുടെ അടുത്ത് നിന്ന് വിളിച്ചു മാറ്റി

അനുഭവത്തിന്‍റെ അക്ഷരങ്ങള്‍ പറഞ്ഞു തന്നപ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ വെറുതെ കരഞ്ഞു.

ജീവിതത്തിലൂടെ വിരലുകള്‍ ഓടിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ അക്ഷരങ്ങള്‍ അപൂര്‍ണവും വികലവുമായാണ് വിരിഞ്ഞത്,

ഒന്നും ഞാന്‍ തനിയെ എഴുതിയതല്ലെങ്കിലും എനിക്ക് വെറുതെ ഒരു കുറ്റ ബോധം തോന്നി.

കൈ പിടിച്ചു എഴുതിച്ച ഗുരുവിനു മറ്റെന്തിലോ ആണ് ശ്രദ്ധ എന്ന് തോന്നി

ഞാന്‍ എഴുതിയത്‌ തെറ്റോ എന്ന് അറിയാതെ ഞാന്‍ ആ കണ്ണുകളിലേക്കു നോക്കി, വിഫലമായി

ഇനിയെന്തെന്ന് അറിയാനായി കൈയെത്തി അമ്മയുടെ സാരി തുമ്പില്‍ തൊട്ടു ഞാന്‍ വിളിച്ചപ്പോള്‍

ഒന്നും അറിയാതെ അമ്മ വെറുതേ എന്നെ നോക്കി ചിരിച്ചു,

ഞാനും വെറുതെ പുഞ്ചിരിച്ചു.

എഴുതിയത്‌ മായ്ക്കാം എന്ന് കരുതി വിരല്‍ ഒന്ന് ഓടിക്കാന്‍ തുടങ്ങുമ്പോള്‍

"ഈ കളരിയില്‍ എഴുതിയത്‌ മായ്ക്കാന്‍ പാടില്ല കുട്ടീ " എന്ന് ഗുരു ശകാരിച്ചു.

അങ്ങനെ ആ വികലമായ അക്ഷരങ്ങള്‍ എന്‍റെ ജീവിതത്തിലെ മായാത്ത എഴുത്തുകളായി.

പഠിച്ച അക്ഷരങ്ങള്‍ വികൃതമെങ്കിലും എന്‍റെ ഉള്ളില്‍ ഒരു കവിതയുണ്ടായിരുന്നു

ജീവിതം വായിക്കാതെ വളര്‍ന്ന ഞാന്‍ പുഴയോരത്തെ മണലില്‍ ഇരുന്നു എഴുതി തുടങ്ങി

ആദ്യത്തെ വരി എഴുതി നോക്കി ഇരിക്കേ ഒരോളം തത്തി കളിച്ചു വന്നു അത് മായിച്ചു കളഞ്ഞു

പുഴയോട് പിണങ്ങി ഇനി വരില്ലെന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു ഞാന്‍ എഴുന്നേറ്റു പാടവരമ്പത്തേക്ക് ഓടി

അവിടെ കൊറ്റിയുടെ പുറകേ ഓടിയും പുല്ലില്‍ പതിയിരിക്കുന്ന തവളകളെ പേടിപ്പിച്ചും

തൂമ്പിലെ മീനുകളെ ചൂണ്ടയിട്ടും നാളുകള്‍ കഴിച്ചു

കുറു കാച്ചട്ട, ട്രൌസറായപ്പൊളും കൈയില്‍ കളിമണ്ണിനു പകരം തടിച്ച പാഠ പുസ്തകങ്ങളായപ്പോഴും

പുഴയോടുള്ള പിണക്കം മാറിയില്ല, ഒരിക്കലും ആ തീരത്ത് പോയുമില്ല.

അപ്പോളെല്ലാം , ഗുരുനാഥന്‍ താലങ്ങളും അതിലെ അരിയും മാറ്റി വീണ്ടും എഴുതാന്‍ ഒരുക്കുകയിരുന്നു

വീട് വിട്ടു അങ്ങ് വടക്കൊരു ദേശതു വീണ്ടും ഞാന്‍ ഒരു കവിത എഴുതാന്‍ ഒരുങ്ങി,

കടലോരത്ത് മണലില്‍ ഇരുന്നു അല്പം എഴുതി ഒന്നു വായിക്കാന്‍ തുടങ്ങുമ്പോള്‍

മേഘങ്ങള്‍ ഇല്ലാതെ പെയ്ത ഒരു മഴ എല്ലാം മായിച്ചു കളഞ്ഞു

തുള്ളി കുത്തുന്ന മാരിയില്‍, മായുന്ന കാഴ്ചയില്‍, ഗുരുനാഥന്‍ അരികില്‍ വന്നു

കൈ പിടിച്ചു കളരിയിലേക്ക് കൊണ്ടു പൊയ്.

അന്ന് കളരിയിലെ ഒരു ചന്തമുള്ള ഒരു കിടാത്തി അവളുടെ താലത്തില്‍ എഴുതിയ വടിവൊത്ത അക്ഷരങ്ങള്‍ കാട്ടി
ഞാന്‍ അതുപോലെ എന്‍റെ താലത്തില്‍ പകര്‍ത്തി എഴുതി പഠിച്ചു തുടങ്ങി

വീണ്ടും ഒരു കുട്ടിയായി അവളുടെ കൂടെ കളരിയങ്കണത്തില്‍ കളിച്ചു നടന്നു

കളിക്കിടയില്‍ എപ്പഴോ എന്നിലെ കവിത വീണ്ടും നാമ്പിട്ടു ഞാന്‍ അറിയാതെ അതൊരു പൂവായി

അവിടത്തെ മുറ്റത്ത്‌ എന്നിലെ കവിത എഴുതാന്‍ ഒരിക്കല്‍ കൂടി ഞാന്‍ ഒരുങ്ങി

എഴുതി തുടങ്ങിയപ്പോള്‍ അവള്‍ ചിരിച്ചുകൊണ്ട് എങ്ങോട്ടോ ഓടി പൊയ്

ഞാന്‍ വെറുതെ മണ്ണിലേക്കു നോക്കി ഒന്നും എഴുതാനാവാതെ ഇരുന്നു

ഒടുവില്‍ ഇരുട്ട് വീണപ്പോള്‍ എഴുന്നേറ്റു നടന്നു,

ദൂരെ നിന്നും നില വിളക്കിന്റെ വെളിച്ചവും
പടിയിലിരുന്നു സന്ധ്യാ നാമംചോല്ലുന്ന അമ്മയുടെ രൂപവും
അലിഞ്ഞില്ലതാവുന്നത് ഇലപ്പടര്‍പ്പുകളിലൂടെ കളിലൂടെ നോക്കി കണ്ടു.

മണ്‍കൈയ്യാലയുടെ മുകളില്‍ നിന്ന ഇല്ലി വള്ളികള്‍ എന്നെ നോക്കി കളിയാക്കി ചിരിച്ചു,

ഒറ്റയടി പാതയിലൂടെ നിര്‍ത്താതെ ഞാന്‍ ഓടി.

ചിന്തകളുടെ കേളി കൊട്ടു കേട്ടു തുടങ്ങിയപ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ വേഗം കുറച്ചു

ഒടുവില്‍ കളിയരങ്ങും അതിലെ ചമയം കെട്ടിയ രൂപങ്ങളും കാണും വരെ ഞാന്‍ നടന്നു

ആട്ടം തുടങ്ങിയപ്പോള്‍ സദസ്സില്‍ ഇരുന്നു ഞാന്‍ പഠിച്ച പാഠങ്ങള്‍ കൂട്ടി വൈക്കന്‍ വ്യഥാ ശ്രമിച്ചുകൊണ്ടിരുന്നു

മനസ്സിന്റെ ചടുലമായ ചുവടുകളില്‍ കളിവിളക്ക് ചാഞ്ചാടി,

നാളങ്ങള്‍ കാറ്റില്‍ നിന്ന് വിറച്ചു

ആ തീക്ഷ്ണമായ അനുഭൂതിയില്‍ കണ്ണുകള്‍ പതിയേ അടച്ചു, ഞാന്‍ അതില്‍ ലയിച്ചു.

എന്‍റെ കവിത ഉള്ളില്‍ ഇരുന്നു ഒരു മുത്തായിമാറുന്നത് ഞാന്‍ കണ്ടു

വായിക്കാതെ വളഞ്ഞ എന്‍റെ പുറം ഉറഞ്ഞു തോടായി മാറുന്നത് ഞാന്‍ കണ്ടു

എഴുതാതെ എങ്കിലും നല്ലപോലെ വായിച്ചു തന്നെ വളര്‍ന്ന എന്‍റെ കവിത വിളഞ്ഞു

ഒടുവില്‍ ഗുരുനാഥന്റെ കാല്‍ക്കല്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഒരു മുത്തായി എന്‍റെ കവിത എഴുതാതെ തന്നെ വെക്കുമ്പോള്‍

ഈ ഗുരുത്വം ഇല്ലാതെ പോയ ശിഷ്യന്റെ തലയില്‍ കൈവെച്ചു അങ്ങ്

ഓതുക ശാപമോ അതോ ആശ്വാസ വചനമോ?

വിശ്വാസ്

കാന്‍പൂര്‍
14 -09 -09

Too less time, but I am all tied down...

2009-09-09T19:58:00.016+05:30

I am collapsing from inside and outside.

I don't have much time left to do my things.

My mind is fleeting under the heat of life.

Whatever I have to do, I have to do fast.
.

I cannot spend time with anything else,

still it is difficult to keep me running always.

I wish I had wings on my feet and

unicorns pulling my thoughts.
.

I wish I held the shackle to my wandering heart

and the inner vision to search across yonder.

I wish I had the elixir to cure a wounded heart

and the hymns of self redemption revealed.
.

I do not want to sit down tired.

I do not want to get tied to my mind;

cause it is tied to everything else. (instead I want to pull it off from all and tie to me)

Its not chains what I want for my "self", but is freedom.
.

Let me find those "bounds" which can liberate me (the bond of "self" to "SELF")

Let me find those songs that need not be sung (but is the song of real existence which is always played)

Let me find that energy that never dry up

Let me find that bliss which become me and of me.

Viswas,

Kanpur
09-09-09

Do you have the answers - 1 : Is chaos fine? without being an anarchist...

2009-08-25T14:21:00.012+05:30

(Under construction, open for thoughts. Only I visit this though :))

An old teacher of mine (Can't remember his name, but he was the one who taught '1 dimensional motion" at Brilliant study center Pala) used to tell "its very difficult to find whether there is god or not by searching here. For people like most of us, who just want to live a meaningful life and do things in proper manner, its better to believe in god and follow the princples laid out, instead of searching for the assurance of god". I do agree to his statement most of the times. But some times I feel very eager to see or rather experience god. Sometimes I wish I could communicate with god and know things about. Many religions, cults and individuals have suggested various ways of doing this. But almost all of them need full dedication, some sort of inborn qualities and some good luck. Most of them in their extreme ways does not sound very normal and is nearest I can find to fanaticism.

What distinguish a practice from belief gone astray? Is following a set of canonical rules laid out by some scriptures the ultimate scale for human sanity? If yes, which one? Should I be going by popular belief whose becoming the most popular was guided by so many factors, one of which definitely is not the assurance by people who come back from heaven telling 'this' is the way to salvation. Oldest - is that the criterion? Or are they just unsophisticated people's mistakes still surviving? But even their practice is sophisticated and no one knows their actual influence. They may be having influences both good and bad if practiced in the said way.

Are these scriptures totally irrelevant being written by some one totally aloof from the reality and who is trying to impose things which are not practical or is not required. Is it just that there are so many 'rights' and we need to/ should know/follow only one 'right'? Or is it that it just does not matter what we follow. It is important that we all follow same religion, so that people's behaviour become maximum predictable and hence become so much mechanical that the whole world become a highly productive, single, synchronised machine line? Is chaos and so called insanity ( non confirmance to known rules accepted by world) a real defect? weren't those who thought different from others and who were called mad, those who really influenced the world into new thoughts. But, were their influence also right or they just managed to make more people insane?

Well there are religions which donot ask for extreme beliefs and practices - budhism. Then is that the right way?

The most disappointing part of this whole discussion is that this is not one meant for finding answers immediately or concludng with something. And, I definitely am not calling for an immediate discarding of your practices. I am not going to do that even if you are inspired to :P. This is an open ended discussion and perhaps will remain open till we forget English (even beyond). The only conclusion which I can make after so much of contemplation is that "I don't know" like Swami Vivekanand said. I simply dont know. I would not be so enthusiastic about the arguments which would be placed by those who would be quoting their scriptures which they believe in, in order to give me the answers. The reality is that they know what is written in their scripture (actually one interpretation of that which they believe in) which simply 'may-or-may-not-be' the truth. I agree that they definitely believe in their answers. So do I believe in the practices I am taught. But the question is were they all right? Or, are we just trying to become more predictable and machine like?

Viswas

Kanpur

25-08-09

Add "Mashithand" to your blog

2009-08-22T17:32:00.014+05:30

1. Go to blog top

2. Click customize
3. Click add gadget
4. Select "+" sign near html or java script

5. Paste the following link in the box and save

The team "Mashithand" has done a very good job. Let all get its advantage.

Viswas

22-08-09

Kanpur

Let me be...

2009-08-17T10:32:00.000+05:30

Let me be a reminder of my self. Let me be a symbol of my inner one. Let me not forget my outer one too. Let me be a mirror placed inward. Let me be on my own.

Viswas

Kanpur

17-08-09

Bhaja Govindam - Sri Shankaracharya

2009-08-17T04:27:00.005+05:30

bhaja govindam bhaja govindam
bhaja govindam müãhamate,
samprápte sannihite kále
na hi na hi rakúati dukøòkaraïe.(1)

Adore the Lord, adore the Lord, adore the Lord, O fool! when the appointed time (for departure) comes, the repetition of grammatical rules will not, indeed, save you.

müãha jahèni dhanágamatøúïám
kuru sadbuddhim manasi vitøúïám,
yal-labhase nijakarmopáttam
vittam tena vinodaya cittam.(2)

O fool! leave off the desire for accumulation of wealth; create in the mind, thoughts about Reality, devoid of passion. What you get - i.e. what you have achieved through your past deeds - with that, satisfy your mind.

nárèstanabharanábhèdeùam
døúûvá má gá moháveùam,
etan-mámsavasádi-vikáram
manasi vicintaya váram váram.(3)

Seeing the seductive female form, do not fall prey to frenzied delusion. That (female form) is (but) a modification of flesh and fat. Think well thus in your mind and again and again.

nalinèdalagatajalam atitaralam
tadvaj-jèvitam atiùayacapalam,
viddhi vyádhy-abhimána-grastam
lokam ùokahatam ca samastam.(4)

The water on the lotus-leaf is very unsteady; so also is life extremely unstable. Know that the entire world is devoured by disease and conceit, and smitten with sorrow.

yávad-vittopárjana-saktas-
távan-nija-pariváro raktaç
paùcáj-jivati jarjara-dehe
vártam kopi na pøcchati gehe.(5)

As long as you have the ability to earn money, so long will your dependents be attached to you. After that, when you live with an infirm body no one world even speak to you a word.

yávat-pavano nivasati dehe
távat-pøcchati kuùalam gehe,
gatavati váyau dehápáye
bháryá bibhyati tasmin káye.(6)

As long as there is breath in the body, so long people in the household ask about one's welfare. Once the breath leaves, on the destruction of the body, the dependents dread that very same body.

bálastávat kriãásaktas-
taruïastávat taruïèsaktaç
vøddhastávac-cintásaktaç
pare brahamïi ko'pi na saktaç(7)

When a boy, one is attached to sport; when a youth, one is attached to as young woman; when old. one is attached to anxiety; to the supreme Brahman, no one, alas, is attached!

ká te kánte kaste putraç
samsáro'yam atèva vicitraç,
kasya tvam kaç kuta áyátas-
tattvam cintaya tadihaq, bhrátah.(8)

Who is your wife? Who is your son? Exceedingly wonderful, indeed, is this empirical process! Of whom are you? Who are you? Whence have you come? O brother, think of that truth here.

Satsañgatve nissañgatvam
nissañgatve nèrmohatvam
nirmohatve niùcalitatvam
niùcalitatve jèvanmuktiç.(9)

Through the company of the good, there arises non-attachment; through non-attachment, there arises freedom from delution; through delusionless-ness, there arises steadfastness; through steadfastness, there arises liberation in life.

Vayasi gate kaç kámavikáraç
Ùuúke nire kaç kásáraç
kúiïe vitte kaç pariváro
iòáte tattve kaç samsáraç.(10)

When youth is spent, what lustful play is there? When the water has evaporated, what lake is there? When the money is gone, what dependents are there? When the truth is known, what empirical process is there?

má kuru dhanajanayauvanagarvam
harati nimeúát kalaç sarvam,
máyámayam idam akhilam hitvá,
brahmapadam tvam praviùa viditvá.(11)

Do not be proud of wealth, kindred, and youth; Time takes away all these in a moment. Leaving aside this entire (world) which is of the nature of an illusion, and knowing the state of Brahman, enter into it.

dinayáminyau sáyam prátaç
ùèùiravasantau punar-áyátaç
kálaç krèãati gacchaty-áyus-
tapapi na muòcaty-áùaváyuç.(12)

Day and night, dusk and dawn, winter and spring come repeatedly; Time sports, life is fleeting; yet one does not leave the winds of desire.

ká te kántá-dhana-gata-cintá
vátula kim tava násti nivantá
trijagati sajjana sañgatir eká
bhavati bhavárïava-taraïe nauká.(13)

Why worry about wife, wealth, etc., O crazy one; is there not for you the one who ordains? In the three worlds, it is only the association with good people that can serve as the boat that can carry one across the sea of birth.

jaûilo muïãi luòchitakeùaç
káúayámbarabahukøtaveúaç
paùyannapi ca na paùyati müãho
hyundaranimittam bahukøtaveúaç.(14)

The ascetic with matted lock, the one with his head shaven, the one with hairs pulled out one by one, the one who disguises himself variously with the ochre-coloured robes - such a one is a fool who, though seeing, does not see. Indeed, this varied disguise is for the sake of the belly.

aïgam gallitam palitam muïãam
daùanavihinam játam tuïãam
vøddho yáti gøhitvá daïãam
tadapi na muòcaty-áùapiïãam.(15)

The body has become decrepit; the head has turned grey; the mouth has been rendered toothless; grasping a stick, the old man moves about. Even then, the mass of desires does not go.

agre vanhiç pøúûhe bhánü
rátrau cubuka-samarpita-jánuç
karatalabhikúas tarutalavásas
tapadi na muòcaty-áùapáùaç.(16)

In front, there is fire; at the back, there is the sin; in the night, (the ascetic sits) with the knees stuck to the chin; he receives alms in his palms, and lives under the trees; yet the bondage of desire does not leave him.

kurute gañgáságaragamanam
vrataparipálnam athava dánam,
jòánavihènaç sarvamatena
muktim na bhajati janmaùatena.(17)

One goes on pilgrimage to the place where the Gañgá joins the sea; or observe the religious vows with care; or offers gifts. But if he be devoid of knowledge, he does not gain release-according to all schools of thought-even in a hundred lives.

suramandiratarumülanivásaç
ùayyá bhütalam ajinam vásaç
sarvaparigrahabhogatyágaç
kasya sukham na karoti virágaç.(18)

Living in temples or at the foot of trees, sleeping on the ground, wearing deer-skin, renouncing all possessions and their enjoyment - to whom will not dispassion bring happiness?

yogarato vá bhogarato vá
sañgarato va sañgavihènaç
yasya brahmaïni ramate cittam
nandati nandati nandaty-eva.(19)

Let one practice concentration; or let one indulge in sense-enjoyment. Let one find pleasure in company; or in solitude. He alone is happy, happy, verily happy, whose mind revels in Brahman.

bhagavadgètá kiòcid-adhitá
gañgáialalavakaïiká pètá,
sakûød-api yena murári-samarcá
kriyate tasya yamena na carcá.(20)

For him, who has studied the Bhagavadgitá even a little, who has drunk a drop of the Gañgá-water, and who has performed the worship of the Destroyer of the demon Mura (viz. Ùri Køúïa) at least once, there is no tiff with Yama (the lord of death).

punarapi jananam punarapi masraïam
punarabi jananè-jaûhare ùayanam,
iha samsáre bahu-dustáre
køpaya' páre páhi muráre.(21)

Repeated birth, repeated death, and repeated lying in mother's womb - this transmigratory process is extensive and difficult to cross; save me, O Destroyer of Mura (O Køúïa), through your grace!

rathyá-carpata-viracita-kanthaç
puïyápuïya-vivarjita-panthaç,
yogi yoga-niyojita-citto
ramate bálonmattavad-eva.(22)

He who wears a dress made of rags that lie about in the streets, he who walks in the path that is beyond merit and demerit the yogin whose mind is given up to yoga revels (in Brahman) just as a child or as a mad-man.

kastvam ko'ham kuta áyátaç
ká me jananè ko me tátaç,
iti paribhávaya sarvam asáram
viùvam tyaktvá svapnavicáram.(23)

Who are you? Whom am I? Whence have I come? Who is my mother? Who, my father? Thus enquire, leaving aside the entire world which is comparable to a dream, and is essenceless.

tvayi mayi cányatraiko viúïur-
vyartham kupyasi maasahiúïuç,
sarvasminnapi paùyátmánam
sarvatrotsøja bhedájòánam.(24)

In you, in me, and elsewhere too, there is but one Viúïu (God). Vainly do you get angry with me, being impatient. See the Self in all things, and leave off everywhere ignorance which is the cause of difference.

Ùatrau mitre putre bandhau
má kuru yatnam vigrahasandhau,
bhava samacittaç sarvatra tvam
vánchasyacirád yadi viúïutvam.(25)

Make no effort to be either at war with, or in league with, enemy, friend, son, or relative. If you want to attain the status of Viúïu (Godhood) soon, be equal-minded towards all things.

kámam krodham lobham moham
tyaktvá'tmánam bhávaya ko'ham
átmjòanavihèná muãhás
te pacyante narakanigüãháç.(26)

Leaving off desire, anger, greed, and delusion, make self-inquiry; who am I? They are fools who are without Self-knowledge; as captives in hell, they are tortured.

geyam gètánámasahasram
dhyeyam ùrèpatirüpam ajasram
neyam sajjana-sañge cittam
deyam dènajanáya ca vittam(27)

The Bhagavadgètá and the Sahasranáma should be sung; the form of the Lord of Lakúmè (Viúïu) should always be meditated on; the mind should be led to the company of the good; and wealth should be distributed among the indigent.

sukhataç kriyate rámábhogaç
paùcáddhanta ùarère rogaç
yadyapi loke maraïam ùaraïam
tapapi na muòcati pápácaraïam.(28)

One easily takes to carnal enjoyment afterwards, lo, there is disease of the body. Although, in the world, death is the refuge, even then one does not relinquish sinful ways.

artham anartham bhávaya nityam
násti tataç sukhaleùaç satyam
putrádapi dhanabhájam bhètiç
sarvatraiúá vihitá rètiç.(29)

`Wealth is no good'; thus reflect always; there is not the least happiness therefrom; this is the truth. For the wealthy, there is fear even from a son; everywhere this is the regular mode.

práïáyámam pratyáháram
nityánityavivekavicáram,
jápyasametasamádhividhánam
kurvavadhánam mahadavadhánam.(30)

The regulation of breath, the withdrawal of the senses (from their respective objects), the inquiry consisting in the discrimination between the eternal and the non-eternal, the method of mind-control associated with the muttering of mantras - perform these with great care.

gurucaraïámbuja-nirbhara-bhaktaç
samsárád-acirád-bhava muktaç
sendriya-mánasa-niyamád-evam
drakúyasi nijahødayasthqam devam.(31)

Being devoted completely to the lotus-feet of the Master, become released soon from the transmigratory process. Thus, through the discipline of sense and mind-control, you will behold the Deity that resides in your heart.

Bhaja Govindam - Sri Shankaracharya

http://www.kamakoti.org/shlokas/kshlok19.htm

പഴയന്‍ കഞ്ഞിയും പച്ച മുളകും സല്സയും

2009-08-04T00:53:00.001+05:30

വിശ്വ സാഹിത്യത്തിലേക്ക് മുതല്‍ കൂട്ടാനായി മലയളി രാവിലെ പാടാറുണ്ടു് " അത്താഴ പ്പഷ്ണിക്കാര്‍ ഭാഗ്യവാന്‍ മാര്‍ കാരണം രാവിലെ പഴയന്‍ കഞ്ഞി അവര്‍ക്കുള്ളതാകുന്നു". എന്നിട്ട് കവിതയുടെ ഉടമസ്ഥാവകാശം അജ്ഞാതനായ കവി കപ്പിയാര്‍ കൊച്ചു കുട്ടിക്ക്‌ കൊടുത്തിട്ട് പച്ചമുളകും മോരും കൂട്ടി പഴയന്‍ കഞ്ഞി തട്ടും. എനിക്ക് ഇതുവരെ പഴയന്‍ കഞ്ഞി കുടിക്കാന്‍ ഉള്ള സൌഭാഗ്യം ഉണ്ടായിട്ടില്ല. പക്ഷെ കുടിച്ചിട്ടുള്ളവര്‍ ഒക്കെ അതിനെ പ്രകീര്‍ത്തിച്ചെ കേട്ടിട്ടുള്ളു. ഒരു പക്ഷെ വിശന്നിരുന്നപ്പോള്‍ അവര്‍ക്ക് കിട്ടിയിരുന്ന ഏറ്റവും സ്വാദുള്ള ഭക്ഷണം ആയിരുന്നിരിക്കും പഴയന്‍ കഞ്ഞി. കാരണം എന്ത് തന്നെ ആയാലും മലയാളിള്‍ക്ക് പഴയന്‍ കഞ്ഞിയും പച്ച മുളകും എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ വായില്‍ വെള്ളമൂറുന്നത് കാണാം.

ഇന്ന് രാവിലെ ഉണര്‍ന്നപ്പോള്‍ സമയത്ത് ചെയേണ്ട കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ ചെയ്യാതെ മുന്നോട്ടു പോകുന്ന ഈ ജീവിതത്തെ കുറിച്ച് ഓര്‍ക്കുകയായിരുന്നു, അപ്പോഴാണ് വെറുതെ എന്‍റെ മനസ്സിലേക്ക്‌ ഈ പഴയ തത്വ ജ്ഞാനം മച്ചില്‍ നിന്നും പൊട്ടി വീ ണത് . മാറ്റി വെച്ചും, നടക്കാതെ പോയത് കൊണ്ടും , മടി കൊണ്ടും സര്‍ക്കാര്‍ ആപ്പിസിലെ പങ്കായം പോലെ മെല്ലെ തിരിയുന്ന എന്‍റെ ജീവിത ചക്രം എനിക്ക് ഒത്തിരി രുചികരമായ പഴയന്‍ കഞ്ഞികള്‍ തരുമെന്നു തോന്നുന്നു. ഒപ്പം നല്ല കടും പച്ച കാന്താരി മുളകും.

പണ്ടു പ്രേമിച്ചു പരവേശപ്പെട്ടു നടന്നു തലയിലെ മുടിയെല്ലാം കൊഴിഞ്ഞു തുടങ്ങിയ കാലത്തേ കാര്യമാണ്. ടിയാന്റെ പ്രേമത്തില്‍ നിന്നുമുള്ള അവസാനത്തെ രക്ഷാ മാര്‍ഗം മാര്‍ജാര മാര്‍ഗമായിരുന്നു. ഇഷ്ടത്തിയെ കാണണ്ടാത്ത ദൂരത്തു പോയിഅല്പം വനവാസം നടത്തുക എന്ന ഉദ്ദേശത്തില്‍ ആണ് അന്നു ഭാരത വര്‍ഷത്തിന്‍റെ മരുഭൂമിക്ക്‌ ഉള്ളിലെ ഒരു കൊച്ചു പച്ചത്തുരുത്തില്‍ പര്‍ണ്ണശാല കെട്ടി കഴിയാന്‍ തുടങ്ങിയത്‌. സമയത്ത് പഠിക്കാതെ പോയ കുറച്ചു പാഠ പുസ്തകങ്ങള്‍ ഒന്ന് വായിക്കുക എന്ന ഒരു ചെറിയ ദുരുദ്ദേശ്ശവും ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നെന്ന്‍ കൂട്ടിക്കോളു. അങ്ങനെ ഒരിക്കല്‍ കൂടി വിജ്ഞാനത്തിന്‍റെ കാണാക്കയത്തില്‍ മുങ്ങി ഇടെക്കു പൊങ്ങി മുത്ത്‌ തപ്പി ഞണ്‍ടിറുക്കു വാങ്ങി സന്തോഷത്തോടെ പോകുന്ന കാലത്താണ് പര്‍ണശാലയുടെ വിവര പ്രദര്‍ശിനിയില്‍ ഒരു പത്രം കണ്ടത്‌. ഡാന്‍സ് വോര്‍ക്ശോപ്‌, അഥവാ നൃത്ത പ്രവൃത്തി പരിചയ ശാല പര്‍ണശാലയില്‍ തുടങ്ങുന്നെന്ന്‍. അവിടുത്തെ മയില്‍ അന്തേവാസികള്‍ ഒറ്റയ്ക്കും പട്ടൈക്കും സല്‍സ തുടങ്ങിയ നൃത്ത പ്രദര്ശനങ്ങളുമായി പെണ്ണുങ്ങളെ വശത്താക്കുന്ന കണ്ടിട്ട് കുറച്ചൊന്നും അസൂയ അല്ല ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നെ. ഈ നിസ്സാര പരിഷകള്‍ ഇമ്മാതിരി വിദ്യകള്‍ എങ്ങനെ ഒപ്പിച്ചു എന്ന് അന്വേഷിച്ചു നടക്കുമ്പോളാണ് ഈ നോട്ടീസ് കാണുന്നത്. അങ്ങനെ കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ നിസ്സാരമായി എടുത്താല്‍ പട്റ്റില്ലെന്ന് ഉറപ്പിച്ച് ഞാന്‍ സ്നേഹിതനെ കൊണ്ട് വര്‍ക്ശോപ്‌ കാര്യസ്ഥനെ വിളിപ്പിച്ചു. ഇഷ്ടന്‍ ഒരു ബുദ്ധിമുട്ടും ഇല്ല, ആകെ ഒരു കുഴപ്പം. സംഭവം ഒറ്റയ്ക്കു പറ്റില്ല, കൂടെ ഒരാള്‍ വേണം. ഞാനും സുഹൃത്തും ആകാമെന്നായ് ഞങ്ങള്‍. അപ്പോള്‍ വരുന്നു മറു ചോദ്യം കൂടെ ഉള്ളത്‌ ആണോ പെണ്ണോ. പര്‍ണ്ണശാലയില്‍ കഴിയുന്ന ഒരു സാധുവിനോദ്‌ ചോദിക്കാവുന്ന ചോദ്യമാണോ എന്നു ചോദിയ്ക്കാന്‍ തോന്നിയെങ്കിലും ചോദിച്ചില്ല. കാര്യസ്ഥന്‍ ഒരു പുഛ സ്വരത്തില്‍ പെണ്ണുങ്ങളെ ആരെയും അറിയില്ലേ എന്ന് ചോദിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ ഉള്ളില്‍ എന്തോ ഒന്ന് ഉരന്ജു , ഒരു തീപ്പൊരി പാറി. മറുത്ത് ഒന്നും പറയാതെ ഞങ്ങള്‍ സംഭാഷണം നിര്‍ത്തി കൂലന്കശമായ ആലോചന തുടങ്ങി. വന്നു പോയ അപമാനത്തിനു പകരം ചോദിക്കാനും പഴയ പ്രേമഭാജനത്തിനോടുള്ള രോഷം തീര്‍ക്കാനുമായി ഒരു സഹ നര്‍ത്തകിയെ തേടാന്‍ തീരുമാനിച്ചു സഭ പിരിഞ്ഞു. സുഹൃത്ത് വളരെ ആത്മവിശ്വാസത്തോടെ പറഞ്ഞു എനിക്ക് കുറച്ച് കുട്ടികളെ അറിയാം, അവര്‍ ഞാന്‍ ചോദിച്ചാല്‍ കൂടെ വരും. ആഹ! അപ്പം ഞാന്‍ മാത്രം വടി പിടിച്ചു?

കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ ഇങ്ങനെ പോയാല്‍ പറ്റില്ലെന്നു കരുതി ഇരിക്കുംപോളാണു ഗുജറാത്തി സാധുക്കള്‍ക്ക്‌ കോലടി പഠിപ്പിച്ച് പര്‍ണ്ണശാലയെ പര്പരിപോഷിപ്പിക്കണമെന്നു പൂതി ഉണ്ടായത്. അങ്ങനെ അല്പം കാശു മുടക്കി ആണെങ്കിലും കലയുടെ വളര്ച്ചയ്ക്കായി കഷ്ടപ്പെടുന്ന യുവ ജനങ്ങളുടെ പ്രൊത്‌സാഹനതിനായി ഞാനും കോലടിക്ക് ചേര്‍ന്നു. അങ്ങനെ അവിടെ വന്ന സാധ്വികളെ വായിനോക്കി ഇടെക്കു കോലെടുത്ത് കറക്കി താഴെ ഒന്ന് മേലെ ഒന്ന് കറങ്ങി താന്ന് ഒന്ന് ഇങ്ങനെ താളം വെച്ച് നടക്കുമ്പോളാണ് മുന്ന് പെണ്‍കൊടികള്‍ കണ്ണില്‍ പിടിച്ചത്‌. സത്യം പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ ഡാന്‍സ് വോര്‍ക്ശോപ്‌ ശ്രമത്തില്‍ ഉണ്ടായ അപമാനമൊക്കെ സൌകര്യ പൂര്‍വ്വം മറന്ന്‍ സന്തോഷമായി കോലടി കളിച്ചു നടന്ന എന്നോട്‌ ഇങ്ങനെ ഒരു സാധ്യതയെ കുറിച്ച് പറഞ്ഞത് ഒരു സുഹൃത്താണ്. സംഭവം കൊള്ളാമെന്നു എനിക്കും തോന്നി. അങ്ങനെ കോലടിയുടെ അവസാന പ്രദര്‍ശന നൃത്ത ദിവസം, പരുപാടി എല്ലാം കഴിന്ജ് ഞങ്ങള്‍ രണ്ടു പേരും ആ പെണ്‍കുട്ടികളുടെ പുറകേ കൂടി. ചെയാന്‍ പോകുന്ന അഹങ്കാരത്തിന്റെ ഭവിഷ്വത്തുകളെ കുറിച്ചു ചര്‍ച്ച ചെയ്തു, അടികിട്ടിയാല്‍ ആരോടും പറയില്ലെണ്ണ്‍ പരസ്പരം ഉറപ്പു കൊടുത്തു ഞങ്ങള്‍ അവരെ സമീപിച്ചു. "എക്സ്ക്യൂസ് മീ" എന്ന് ഗണപതി ചൊല്ലി സംഭവം അവരുടെ മുന്‍പില്‍ അവതരിപ്പിച്ചു തുടങ്ങി. കുറച്ചു നേരത്തേക്ക് അവര്‍ ഒന്നും പറഞ്ഞില്ല. ഇമ്മാതിരി സംഭവങ്ങളില്‍ പരിചയമുള്ളത് കൊണ്ടാണോ അതോ സ്വഭാവികമായ ചാതുര്യം കൊന്ടാണോ, സുഹൃത്ത് തന്റെ നൃത്ത സഹാപാഠിത്ത്വത്തെ നന്നായി അവതരിപ്പിച്ചു കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു. കുറച്ചു കഴിഞ്ഞു അവരിലൊരാള്‍ ചാണകത്തില്‍ ചവുട്ടിയപോലെ ചിരിച്ചു കൊണ്ടു പറഞ്ഞു, "ഞങ്ങള്‍ ആ സമയത്ത് വീട്ടില്‍ പോകുകയാണ്".

ഞങ്ങള്‍ പരസ്പരം നോക്കി ചിരിച്ചുകൊണ്ട് നെടുവീര്‍പ്പിട്ടു. സത്യം പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ പരസ്പരം വാക്ക് കേട്ട് വാലും പൊക്കി മഹേന്ദ്ര പര്‍വത്തില്‍ നിന്നും എടുത്തു ചാടിയെങ്കിലും ലങ്കയില്‍ എത്താന്‍ ഞങ്ങള്‍ രണ്ടു വാനരന്മാര്‍ക്കും യാതൊരു പരുപാടിയുമില്ലരുന്നു. ഏതോ പെന്പിള്ളേരുടെ കൂടെ സല്‍സ കളിക്കുന്ന ആ ഒരു ബുദ്ധിയോടു വല്യ താല്പര്യവുമില്ല്ലായിരുന്നു. ഒരു നേരത്തെ തോന്നലിനു ചാടി പുറ പ്പെട്ട്ടതിനു ഒഴുക്കിയ വിയര്‍പ്പിനു കൈയും കണക്കും ഒന്നും ഇല്ല. അങ്ങനെ വരുത്തിയ വിന മാറിപോയ ആശ്വാസത്തില്‍ ഞങ്ങള്‍ നന്ദി പറഞ്ഞു മടങ്ങി. നടന്നത് തികച്ചും അപമാനകരമാനെന്നു ജന ഭാഷ്യം. മറിച്ചാരുന്നെങ്കില്‍ നൃത്തശാലയില്‍ ഉണ്ടാകുമായിരുന്നത് ഓര്‍ക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ഇത്‌ ഒന്നും അല്ലെന്ന് എന്റെ ഭാഷ്യം. ഏതായാലും അങ്ങനെ സല്‍സ മോഹങ്ങള്‍ വീണ്ടും പെട്ടിയില്‍ തേച്ചു മടക്കി വെച്ചു.

അടുത്ത തവണ നൃത്ത ശാല തുടങ്ങിയപ്പോള്‍, ഒരു സുഹൃത്ത് ഉണ്ടിരുന്നു എനിക്ക് ചോദിയ്ക്കാന്‍, പക്ഷെ ചോദിയ്ക്കാന്‍ മനസ്സ് വന്നില്ല. അപമാന ഭയമോ, നാണമോ എന്തോ കൊണ്ട്ട് നൃത്തം പിന്നെ പഠിക്കാം എന്ന് വച്ചു.

ഇന്ന് പുതിയ പര്‍ണ്ണശാലയും സഹ സാധുക്കളുമായി ഗംഗാ തീരത്ത് കുടിയിരിക്കുകയാണ്. ഇവിടെയും നൃത്ത പാഠ്ശാല തുടങ്ങി. എന്ത് കൊണ്ടോ പെട്ടെന്ന്‍ ഒരു പഴയന്‍ കഞ്ഞി കുടിക്കാന്‍ മലയാളി എന്ന നിലൈക്കുള്ള ആത്മ പ്രേരണ തോന്നുന്നു. നൃത്ത പാഠ്ശാല കാര്യസ്ഥന്‍ മാര്‍ അനുവാദം തന്നി ട്ടൊന്ട്. പക്ഷെ പഴയ അനുഭവം ആവര്‍ത്തിക്കാന്‍ ഉദ്ദേശമില്ലാത്തതുകൊണ്ട് ഒന്ന് ആലോചിച്ചേ ഉള്ളു എന്ന് കരുതി. പര്‍ണ്ണശാലയിലെ എന്റെ ചിന്താ വിഭാഗത്തില്‍ ഒരു കൊച്ചു ഗുന്ടുമണിയെ കണ്ടു വച്ചിട്ടൊണ്ട്. ഇത്തവണ ഒറ്റയ്ക്കാണ് , അടികിട്ടിയാല്‍ ആരും അറിയരുത്‌ അതാണ് ആകെ പ്രശ്നം. ഉയരം നന്നേ കുറഞ്ഞ അവള്‍ എന്നെ തല്ലാന്‍ നല്ല പോലെ ചാടേണ്ടി വരും. ആ നേരം കൊണ്ട് ഓടണം. ഏതായാലും ഇന്ന് കണ്ടാല്‍ ചോദിക്കുക തന്നെ. അതിനു മുന്‍പ് കാര്യസ്ഥനെ വിളിച്ച ഓള്‍ക്ക്‌ സ്ഥലമുണ്ടെന്നുറപ്പു വരുത്തണം. അനുവാദം കിട്ടിയാല്‍ ആ പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയും ഒത്ത്‌ ഒരു പഴയ നൃത്ത മോഹം നടക്കും. അനുഭവങ്ങള്‍ കൊണ്ടു കാണ്ടാമൃഗത്തിന്റെ തൊലിക്കട്ടി ആയെങ്കിലും കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ എങ്ങനെയാകുമെന്നു കണ്ടേ പറയാന്‍ പറ്റു .

എല്ലാം .. സംഭവാമി USA, USA.

വിശ്വാസ്

കാന്‍പൂര്‍

04-08-09

Schrodinger's Cat

2009-08-02T10:33:00.000+05:30

I was thinking and I realised the Schrodinger's Cat paradox applied to every one, at least to me. When I was closed in a world of my own and was doing my things I could do so many versatile things, be what ever I wanted to be and be free. The moment someone walked into my world and tried to find out what I am or what I am up to, I fell into one of the allowable "quantum" levels of the society or the receiver. From that point I started existing in that state for the world. In fact the process of finding out "who some one is" changed the person to a new self. If you are aware of uncertainty principle and why it is there, you would have understood what I meant. When an atom for example is hit with a photon to locate its position or momentum those parameters of the atom itself get changed. The atom's parameters ceases to be the previous one before measuring. Also when you find out something about someone the person who is triying to find out him/herself change the subject by asking the question. The answer that would be given would not be the actual answer which existed within the subject, but the answer which was created by the interaction of subject's mind and its previous knowledge with the current question, the questioner and the new situation of audience who is going to learn about the subject. Again what the subject said also might not be perceived. The person who is asking question or making inferences from the answers will place those answers in his or her predefined "quantum levels" and take that deformed answer to the world.

A better way for a subject to tell the world what he/she is, is by without being asked by any one, you will have at least one error in measurement avoided.

Viswas

Kanpur,

02-08-09

My questions :

Why? Is being in quantum states so bad?

What is the use of always being in the box?

What would be a better option?

( I guess one should be in the box for a while and come out occasionally to tell the world what he found)

ഞാനും എന്‍റെ തമാശകളും

2009-07-31T00:54:00.002+05:30

കാറ്റിലെ ചപലമായ മഴത്തുള്ളി പോലെ

പാട്ടിലെ നിഗൂഠമായ വരികള്‍ പോലെ

പാടവരമ്പത്തെ വിളക്കുകാല്‍ പോലെ

മണ്ണിന്‍റെ നനവ് പോലെ

ചിതയിലെ അഗ്നിനാളങ്ങള്‍ പോലെ

വേനല്‍ പരീക്ഷ തീര്‍ന്ന ക്ലാസ്സ്‌ മുറിയില്‍ ആരോ മറന്ന പുസ്തകം പോലെ

ആളൊഴിഞ്ഞ വീട്ടിലെ ഘടികാരം പോലെ

ചിന്തയായി പിറന്ന ആത്മാവ് പോലെ

വെയിലത്ത്‌ ചുടു വായു തുപ്പുന്ന പിച്ചള നാളി പോലെ

അക്ഷര പിശകു നിറഞ്ഞ കവിത പോലെ

കുത്തിവരച്ചു കേടാക്കിയ പാഠപുസ്തകം പോലെ

ചുക്കാന്‍ ഒടിഞ്ഞ യാനം പോലെ

കൊടുക്കാന്‍ മറന്ന സമ്മാനപ്പൊതി പോലെ

ഇങ്ങനെ എന്തൊക്കെയോ ഒക്കെ പോലെ ഞാന്‍ ...

എങ്കിലും ചിലപ്പോള്‍ ആരോ എന്നോ പറഞ്ഞ ഒരു തമാശ്ശ കേട്ടു

പണ്ടു ഞാന്‍ ചിരിച്ച ചിരി ഇന്നും ചിരിക്കാറുണ്ട്.

മറ്റു ചിലപ്പോള്‍ ആരോ എന്നോ എന്നോട് പറയുമായിരിക്കും

എന്ന് ഞാന്‍ കരുതുന്ന ഒരു തമാശയ്ക്കു വേണ്ടി ഇന്നേ ചിരിക്കാറുണ്ട്.

ഏതായാലും എനിക്ക് എപ്പോഴും സന്തോഷമാണ്.

ഉള്ളില്‍ ആരോ ഒരു പാട്ട് പാടുന്നുണ്ട്,

ആരോ തംബുരു മീട്ടുന്നുണ്ട്.

എന്നിലൊരു ഞാനുണ്ട്,

ഒരു പറ്റം ഞാനുണ്ട്,

ഒരു ലോകമുണ്ട്,

ബ്രഹ്മമുണ്ട്,

ഒരായിരം ജ്യോതിയുണ്ട്.

പക്ഷെ കണ്ണടയ്ക്കരുത്, ഞാന്‍ ഉറങ്ങരുത്‌.

ഉറക്കത്തില്‍ എനിക്ക് എന്നെ കാണാന്‍ പറ്റുന്നില്ല,

വെളിച്ചം കാണാന്‍ പറ്റുന്നില്ല,

സംഗീതം കേള്‍ക്കാന്‍ പറ്റുന്നില്ല.

ഞാന്‍ ഉറങ്ങരുത്‌, പക്ഷെ എനിക്കുറങ്ങണം.

ചിരിച്ചുകൊണ്ട് ഉറങ്ങണം.

ഉറങ്ങിക്കൊണ്ട് സംഗീതം കേള്‍ക്കണം.

ഉറങ്ങിക്കൊണ്ട് ദീപ നാളങ്ങള്‍ കാണണം.

ആ ഉറക്കത്തില്‍ എന്നിലെ എന്നില്‍ അലിയണം.

ചിരിച്ചുകൊണ്ട് അറിയണം.

ആ അറിവില്‍ ഞാന്‍ വെളിച്ചവും

സംഗീതവും, ബ്രഹ്മവും ആകുമെന്ന്‍ ആരോ പറഞ്ഞു.

അവര്‍ തമാശ്ശ പറഞ്ഞതാവും,

അപ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ ചിരിക്കണ്ടേ?

അങ്ങനെ ചിലപ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ തമാശ്ശ ആകാന്‍ സാധ്യതയുള്ള ഒരു തമാശ്ശയ്ക്കായി ചിരിക്കാറുണ്ട്.

വിശ്വാസ്

കാണ്‍പൂര്‍

31-07-09